This Week's Wacks
Our 823rd Edition
"Only 177 away from 1,000"
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September 2nd, 2011
It was just a week ago that people back on the east coast were boarding up their homes and hoping for the best. That's right -- it's Kennedy mating season.
Scientists say they have discovered a planet in outer space that could be just one big diamond! It's so big that if you broke it up, you'd have enough diamonds for over half of Larry King's wives.
Britney Spears says that if she hadn't been a pop star, she probably would have been a teacher. I could see the movie now: "Hey Superman, we'll just give up."
Beyonce and Jay-Z are going to have their first child together. She'll deliver the child, he'll get producer credits.
Besse Cooper, the world's oldest living person, celebrated her 115th birthday last Friday. She's actually old enough to remember what it was like to party like its 18-99!
Pretty much the only rule with a 115-year-old celebrating a birthday: no surprise parties.
A new study says that high amounts of chocolate could actually help lower the risk of heart disease. What's a good name for those higher amounts of chocolate? How about 'breakfast'?
Among the contestants in the next round of "Dancing with the Stars," Elisabetta Canalis, who is most famous for being George Clooney's former girlfriend. I believe that fame-by-association makes her an honorary Kardashian.
Republican presidential candidate Michelle Bachman says that last week's earthquake and hurricane along the east coast were a message to politicians from God. You would think, if God had a message to deliver, he'd use email. I mean, if ANYONE should have a gmail account, it should be the big G.
Fifty-two percent of U.S. consumers say they feel overwhelmed by the number of daily deals emails hitting their inboxes. I was going to email this to you, but....well, you know....
Two bumper stickers on the same car: "I believe in separation between church and hate" and "Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?"
Dick Cheney's tell-all book about his days as vice-president is out. A lot of people didn't think he had the heart. The rest of the people didn't think he had a heart.
Researchers at Tulane University are working on turning newspapers into alternative fuel. Only one question: do they still print newspapers?
Libyan rebels say they haven't found Gadhafi yet... but they did flush out Waldo.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE EXCITED COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS BACK
- You're already in your seat -- and the game's not until Saturday
- You have a tattoo that says, "Go everyone!"
- You start each meeting at work with a coin toss to see who gets to go first
- You've asked the newspaper boy to spike the paper on the front porch
- You've been tailgating since June
TOP FIVE HINTS THAT A HURRICANE COULD BE OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR
- The door is gone
- Mailman is walking his route with leg weights
- Crazy winds actually blew the newspaper on to your front porch
- You looked out the window and the neighbors went by... in their house!
- There's a loud, deep noise and both of you are awake
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS-- Another very important health warning in this week's E-Mail of the Week.
PSPS--On dad's 88th birthday week, gonna leave this one up in case you haven't see it. Click here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack