This Week's Wacks

Our 827th Edition
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September 30th, 2011

President Obama's home town newspaper has called for him not to run for re-election. I'm shocked -- there are still newspapers?

The Bridgeway Bicycle Company is recalling some of their bikes because of a falling hazard. Who knew bikes could fall over?

A Chinese businessman bought a bottle of rare scotch for $200,000. This violates one of my basic rules: never invest heavily into something that becomes a waste product.

The two American hikers being held in Iran are now free. The first thing they plan to do is visit their friends, Michaele and Tareq Salahi and see what's new.

Women in Saudi Arabia are finally being given the right to vote. Starting in 2015, women will have the right to go to the polls, fill out a ballot and vote for whoever their husband tells them to vote for!

Women all over Saudi Arabia are thrilled. Excitement is written all over their faces, if you could see them underneath their veils.

'The Lion King' is the number one movie in America for the second week in a row. Did I slip into a time vortex and end up in 1994? Must get to the president's intern and warn her. Or warn him.

I haven't decided if I'm going to reincarnate or not. Probably not until my next life.

To celebrate their 40th anniversary, Starbucks is selling special commemorative t-shirts stained with coffee for $85. At that price, they must have used an entire cup per shirt.

Leisha Hailey, who starred on the Showtime series The L Word, says that she and her girlfriend were escorted off of a Southwest flight for kissing each other. What made it worse is that from the jet to the terminal, there were three stops.

So, the New Jersey Nets are building a new stadium in Brooklyn and the New York Giants play their home games in New Jersey. I'm confused.

I was just wondering: if any of the members of the Blue Man Group suffered from erectile dysfunction, would they take a white pill?

Google turned 13 on Tuesday. Hard to believe in just a couple of years, it'll start driving.

Andy Rooney is going to retire after one more appearance on "60 Minutes" this Sunday. Yep, he's finally hanging up his eyebrows.

Andy was the guy that would invite you to come over and hear him complain, then turn around and ask you to get off his lawn.

Iran is planning to send some of their navy ships off of the U.S. coast. I think it's to prove to us that not all of them are at the bottom of the Persian Gulf.

The woman famous for being George Clooney's ex-girlfriend was voted off "Dancing with the Stars" this week. Just when I had almost remembered her name....

Holly Madison has insured her breasts for $1-million.  I'm going to assume that $500,000 each.

You know, and I was this close to becoming an insurance adjuster.

Someone sent a suspicious white powder to the mail room of "Dancing with the Stars".  Police eventually called it "harmless", while Len Goodman described it as "bland and without feeling".

The two American hikers have been released from Iran and they're trying to reintroduce them to American culture. Right now, they're in a room where someone is explaining why Tiger Woods isn't married anymore. 

The Charlie Sheen thing is next.

This Sunday, Andy Rooney says goodbye on "60 Minutes".  They're thinking about replacing with someone younger, like….which pretty much opens it up to everyone else.

It's been a rough week. It started with "Dancing with the Stars".  Hope Solo, Chynna Phillips and Kristin Cavallari are all right there….and Nancy Grace is the one who has the wardrobe malfunction.  OK, OK, yes, it could have been Chaz Bono.

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that 20,000 heat-seeking missiles have gone missing in Libya. Great, now everyone knows what I'm getting you for Christmas.

The king of Saudi Arabia says he will give women the right to vote in 2015…and, if all works out, he hopes to also give them the right to make a decision by 2019.


  1.     For the Justin Bieber fans: Baby, Baby, Baby Ruth
  2.     Three Mush-kateers
  3.     100,000 Pesos
  4.     Snockers
  5.     S and M's


  1.     The 24-hour Mark Zuckerberg camera -- the Zucker Looker!
  2.     A way for you to actually be mad at Netflix through Facebook
  3.     For those times you only slightly like something, there's now a "Like like" button
  4.     The cool new link between Farmville and Government Subsidy-ville
  5.     The new feature that tracks your time on Facebook -- the Waste-ometer

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--"Dead Man Walking" is the title of this week's E-Mail of the Week.
PSPS--Waxing philosophic this week on my blog. Click here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack