This Week's Wacks

Our 827th Edition
" if we can just get November to admit it"
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October 7th, 2011

Mexico City is considering something unique: two-year marriage licenses. That way, if things work out, you just renew... if not, no messy divorce. Can the wedding ring rental biz be far behind?

Hugh Hefner's ex, Holly Madison, has insured her breasts for $1-million. With Allstate, of course... the good hands people.

The U.S. ambassador to Syria was pelted by tomatoes by a mob the other day. At the price of tomatoes these days, that's a compliment, right?

I miss Andy Rooney. Too soon?

There's a company in Alabama that will load the ashes of your loved one into bullets and shotgun shells. The line "they'll never find a man of that caliber" is standing by...

Kobe Bryant is seeing a doctor because of intestinal cramps. It seems he has a lot of gas, but as you know, Kobe won't pass anything...

Bank of America is experimenting with a $5 monthly fee to use a debit card. The slogan for the new program is, "Time to switch to a credit union!"

President Obama was heckled by a protestor who called him "the Antichrist." Apparently, it was a reporter from the cable channel 666.

According to the Jewish calendar, it's the year 5772. I know for at least the next two weeks, I'll still be writing 5771 on all my checks.

Eastman Kodak may be filing for bankruptcy. Ironically, this is a developing story.

A local hardware store is holding a "Ladies Night" promotion. My guess is that the entertainment will include a furniture stripper.

Andy Rooney retired from "60 Minutes" Sunday night. He says he's going to keep writing, while his eyebrows are planning two weeks in Hawaii.

The moment Andy Rooney left the "60 Minutes" offices for the last time, kids began playing in their front yard again.

Martha Stewart's daughter, Alexis, has written a tell-all book about growing up as Martha's daughter. It's a bad thing.

I figured out what scary costume I want to wear this Halloween. Now all I have to do is figure out how to dress up like the stock market.

Monday Night Football pulled the Hank Williams' opening song from Monday's game because of his controversial comments earlier in the day, when he likened President Obama to Hitler. ESPN said it was pulled of their "Third Reich and you're out" policy.

What's going on with Wall Street these days is what they call a "Bear Market." It'll be interesting to see how much your 401K can bear.

Starbucks is asking customers to donate $5 when they stop by, to help put people back to work. $5? That's almost enough for a cup of coffee!

The first casualty of the new Fall TV season: NBC has canceled "The Playboy Club". Frankly, I was only watching it for the articles.

A 20-year-old with a suspended license crashed into LeAnn Rimes' house. Now, who's the home wrecker?

Special Forces killed the editor of al-Qaida's magazine. I'll bet they sold a lot of subscriptions door-to-door. Like you'd want to find out what would happen if you said, "No"?

I think that's the magazine that features the "Gihaddie of the Month"...

Want to dress up as something scary this year for Halloween? Figure out an "American Economy" costume!

A friend of mine at Microsoft, Neil Fishman, summed up the passing of Steven Jobs: iSad.

Costco is raising their membership fee by $5.  Well, actually, it was only by $1….but they can only make the increase in a group of 5.

Denmark has begun charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil…or, as we like to call it in America, the three basic food groups.

According to a Twitter study, people are happiest on the weekends and when they……
(darn that 140 character limit)

Protestors are taking to the streets and promise to keep protesting until the greedy people on Wall Street share their wealth.  OK, on the count of three, everyone hold their breath: 1, 2…….

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he is not going to run for president…but he IS going back for seconds.

As far as our Top Five lists, in the words of AM/PM, "just too much good stuff."


  1.     Co-worker points out its "National Long Week at Work" Week
  2.     Out of coffee! Seriously? We're OUT OF COFFEE!
  3.     Every day, you have meetings scheduled for 4:59pm
  4.     You've got a meeting scheduled to talk about meeting schedules
  5.     You thought it was Friday. It's Tuesday.


  1.     She didn't want to quit not-running
  2.     Trying to lower Tina Fey's demand
  3.     Couldn't see the White House from her front porch
  4.     As far as living under a microscope, she didn't see how the whole family would fit
  5.     She's decided to wait until 2013


  1.     "Football, Football, Uber Alles"
  2.     "I never promised you a beer garden"
  3.     "Whiskey Bent and Berlin Bound"
  4.     "All My Rowdy Stormtroopers"
  5.     "What's the fuhrer all about?"

Laugh a little, would ya?

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