This Week's Wacks

Our 829th Edition
"Man, time flies when you throw your watch!"
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October 14th, 2011

A new study says that smoking pot and driving doubles your chances of getting into an accident.  And they needed a study to find that out?

The 2011 Nobel Prize for Literature went to a Swedish poet.  I believe it was the one who wrote, “There once was a lady from Stockholm”.  I  mean, think of how difficult that would be to rhyme!

The founder of Home Depot has announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president.  His exact words were, “You can do it.  We can help!”

Paul McCartney married Nancy Shevell Sunday. Number three. Number three. Number three.

There were bells. On the hill. But I never heard them ringing.

Sarah Palin announced she's not running. However, she hasn't ruled out walking.

Some crazy guy ran out on the golf course and threw a hot dog at Tiger Woods over the weekend. We have a wiener!

California Governor Jerry Brown has signed a bill into law that bans teens from tanning. Can a California-size retractable roof be far behind?

Actually, the law prevents teens from going to tanning beds. It'll come with the slogan, "Don't be a Snooki!"

IKEA has recalled a children's folding tent because of laceration and puncture hazards. Other than that, it was a lot of fun.

The NBA has canceled the first two weeks of the season because of the player lockout. This could mean a loss of millions of dollars for each of the teams and their cities, as well as a 5% drop in the national birth rate.

Cher was in the audience at "Dancing with the Stars" this week to watch her son compete. It was touching to see someone surgically altered smiling so much during the competition. And Chaz was happy, too!

Carson Kressley performed his dance this week with a beard. And he wore fake facial hair, too!

Another Republican debate the other night. This time, they all piled on Herm Cain's 9-9-9 tax plan. Well, 9-9-9, plus the tip for the driver.

I finally figured out why they call them 'smart phones' -- no other phone makes you feel so dumb.

A team of experts meeting in Russia say they're 95% certain that Bigfoot exists. However, they refuse to believe the Detroit Lions really are 5-0.

California held its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2500 people showed up, found out about the industry and now don't remember why they went.

Canada celebrated Thanksgiving this week. They do it differently than the U.S. For example, their Thanksgiving is on a Monday. And in Canada, they don't buy a $30 turkey and take a $45 second mortgage on it.


  1.     They gave us Justin Bieber!
  2.     Their national anthem begins with the same word as "O, Susanna"
  3.     Their symbol is a maple leaf. Maple trees make syrup and I like pancakes.
  4.     They don't want to be like us. Heck, we don't even want to be like us!
  5.     They make tasty bacon


  1.     Use to not have many friends. Now you're always eating new people
  2.     Every morning, get to get up and call into work "dead"
  3.     No longer need life insurance
  4.     Never have to get up in the morning and figure out what to wear. For that matter, never have to get up
  5.     Brains have lots of fiber and are good for you

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--See some inspirational Jack-O-Lanterns in this week's E-Mail of the Week.
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