This Week's Wacks

Our 830th Edition
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October 21st, 2011

Boats are said to be tilting all over the world. For the ones in your area, check your local listings.

Saw some lukewarm reviews on the new version of "Footloose." Well, you foot-win some and you foot-loose some.

The Gap says it's going to be closing 20% of it's U.S. stores. I think they misunderstood the president when he talked about the budget and said, "We need to close the Gap!"

Robert Downey Jr. says it's time to forgive Mel Gibson. Remember 5 years ago when he was arrested and we asked Robert to remind us when it was time to forgive? Yeah, uh, actually, me either.

A NASCAR track in North Carolina is selling a funnel cake that's covered with both bacon and chocolate. Buy 10 and you get a free defibrillator!

So, Israel traded over a thousand Palestinian soldiers for ONE of their soldiers. It sounds like they consulted with the Seattle Mariners on this one.

Herm Cain says if he's elected president, he'll deliver. Would that mean we'd have to tip him?

I think I'll order the Herm Cain combo, with extra cheese.

Someone apparently stole President Obama's teleprompter. As you'd expect the joke to go, the theft left the president speechless.

Bank of America earned third quarter profits of $6.2-billion. Guess now they won't have to start charging that $5 monthly fee for debit cards. By the way, that was the joke.

Apple is holding a memorial for Steve Jobs today. A much nicer touch than last week when Microsoft sent out an email to all of its employees announcing that Jobs had "blue screened."

An actress is suing Amazon for revealing her true age Online. We'd tell you who it is, but that would cost Amazon another million.

I'm glad the Texas Rangers changed their uniforms this year and they now say "Texas" on the front. For years, they had "Rangers" on there and more often then not, when a player would stand there and their uniform would crunch a little bit, it looked like you were playing the Texas "Angers."

You know, it's too bad Herman Cain didn't run last time around. He could have been John McCain's running mate: the McCain-Cain ticket! A bit redundant, but catchy!

Social Security is going to hand out it's first raises since 2009. Party at "60 Minutes!"

Apparently, the Republicans do have a solution for the country's economic problems: yell at each other!

Lindsay Lohan's dad is saying that she needs to be in long-term rehab. This from a guy who should be in a long term.

The one thing I'm firm about: always be flexible!

How weird is this? For the second day in a row, I made coffee at 8:43am. Deja brew!

In Zainesville, Ohio, the owner of an exotic pet collection decided to open up the cages and let all 50 of his animals go free. Police weren't sure how to trap the bears and the tigers, but all they had to do to stop the lions was to bring in the San Francisco 49ers.

St. Louis was hoping to sweep the World Series, but it wasn't in the Cards.

The Federal Government reports that the number of Americans using anti-depressants has gone up 400% over the past two decades.  The number one most likely reason for the increase-the Federal Government.

Wow, the number of Americans using anti-depressants has gone up 400% over the past two decades. That should bother me, but I don't care!  In fact, I feel great.  What a wonderful day!

The group UB40 has filed for bankruptcy and is changing their name to UB-broke.  Their new song is called, "In the Red, Red Wine".

President and Michelle Obama took time out from their bus tour Wednesday to go pumpkin shopping.  They like to make the White House festive for when Joe Biden comes trick or treating.

There are reports that Libya's former leader Muammar Gaddafi is not doing well.  It ranges from "he's been killed" to "he bet the mortgage on Lindsay Lohan staying out of jail".

There are a lot of rumors swirling around about Muammar Gaddafi.  At this point, the only thing we know is true is that he will NOT be hosting the Oscars next year.

KFC has introduced the new Cheesy Bacon Bowl, which comes with mashed potatoes, cheese, gravy, chicken, bacon and ten minutes of free CPR.

Vice-President Joe Biden, when asked if he had ever met a Kardashian, replied, "No and to be completely honest, I've never even been to Kardashia!"

Well, it's official: The "Occupy Wall Street" movement has now lasted longer than NBC's "The Playboy Club" did.

Last Sunday was National Dictionary Day, whatever that means.

Computer hackers got into the Sesame Street YouTube channel and posted porn on it for 20 minutes before it was taken down. It was sponsored by the number 2 and the letters DD.


  1.     "Rangers in the night"
  2.     "Freese a jolly good fellow"
  3.     "It's been a Cards day's night"
  4.     "All my ex's now play for Texas"
  5.     "Beat me in St. Louis"


  1.     "The Creature From the Pink Lagoon"
  2.     "Resident Evil: the Musical"
  3.     "Dracula Meets Carrot Top"
  4.     "Mummy Dearest"
  5.     "The Loch Ness Poodle"


  1.     Al Gore wants to take care of you first, THEN global warming
  2.     Listerine asks you not to use their product
  3.     Your dog is complaining about you
  4.     Police show up and start looking for a body
  5.     You get complaints from co-workers... on the next floor

Laugh a little, would ya?

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