This Week's Wacks

Our 835th Edition
"Our Special Thanksgiving Day Edition"
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November 24th, 2011

I miss Regis.

The Pentagon announced that they've developed a flying bomb that can reach any target in the world in only an hour. Not to be confused with most NBC shows which turn into a bomb by the end of their first hour.

The bomb flies five times the speed of sound, which means you'd blow up before you could hear it.

Records show that GE filed a 57,000 page tax return and ended up not paying any taxes on $14-billion in profits. Well, at least we got to soak them for the paper.

CBS has ordered two more seasons of "Survivor." The network tribe has spoken.

A Thanksgiving poem making the rounds on the Internet:

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Moammar Gaddafi's son has been captured in Libya. While he's not happy, no one is more upset about this than his life insurance agent.

The government has introduced a bill to classify pizza as a vegetable in schools. Probably the same one trying to identify Red Vines as a fruit.

The government Super-committee probably isn't going to come up with a plan before automatic budget-cuts kick in. So much for being super.

Meeting in that Kryptonite conference room probably didn't help.

A new study says that hybrid cars protect their drivers by up to 25% better than regular cars. They also run into things using less fuel!

Right now, turkey, potatoes, peas, cranberries, dressing and pumpkin pie are planning their strategy for Thursday's protest: "Occupy: My stomach."

Thanksgiving is an interesting holiday. We eat a bird that makes us sleepy and then, after swearing we'll never travel for Thanksgiving again, do it again the following year.

The holiday shopping will be pretty brutal tomorrow.  I think they need to change the name to Black & Blue Friday.

Saw the new Twilight movie over the weekend. Loved the Thanksgiving scene, where Bella asked for a drumstick, Jacob reach for a thigh and Edward went for the neck.

One of the fashion myths is that women's high heels foretell how the economy is doing. The higher the heel, the worse the economy. But good news -- short heels are coming back into style which means either the economy is going to improve or they're sawing off their heels and using that to make soup.

It's Thanksgiving Eve. Do you loosen your belt on Thanksgiving Eve or Thanksgiving Morning?

And this is why we don't have a Super Committee planning out the holiday season for us. We'd be celebrating Christmas in March.

Several Seattle Seahawks are going to help serve dinner to the homeless on Thanksgiving. Hopefully, it'll go better than last year when Matt Hasselbeck was asked to pass the potatoes and had three interceptions.

President Obama pardoned two turkeys last week, named “Liberty” and “Peace”.  I don’t want to tell you what happened to the other two, Gingrich and Romney.

In Russia, a television news anchor, while doing a story on President Obama, actually gave the finger to the camera.  My guess is her translator mixed up “rotating the turkey” with “flipping the bird”.

Shoot.  I got confused this Thanksgiving and went over the river and woods and through Grandma’s house.  She’s not happy.


  1.     "Leftovers: The Musical"
  2.     "My baste friend's wedding"
  3.     "Das Gravy Boat"
  4.     "Pan Yam"
  5.     "Turducken-4"


  1.     "Miracle on 34th Street: Explained"
  2.     Rick Perry's "Two of the Three Kings of Orient Are"
  3.     "Have yourself a Kardashian Christmas"
  4.     "Ruby the Red-Nosed Rockettes Dancer"
  5.     "Frosty the Beer Mug"

Laugh a little, would ya?

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