This Week's Wacks

Our 836th Edition
"Here we come a WACK-ing-ing"
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December 2nd, 2011

What this country needs is a good low-sugar plum fairy.

There have been 14 Republican debates so far, with 12 more scheduled. If the "Occupy" folks are still looking for a cause, I think I've found it.

I'm having a really hard time deciding who to care less about: Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus or Lindsay Lohan.

Americans spent $52.4-billion on Black Friday shopping... and, remember, the Occupy protestors haven't even started yet!

The San Diego Zoo gave their tortoises pumpkins for their Thanksgiving treat. Because they were tortoises, the zoo actually called them for dinner back in July.

American Airlines has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. They've also changed their slogan to, "Something special in the red."

Ironically, all these women making claims about presidential candidate Herman Cain has had a Dominos' effect.

When you think about it, Herman Cain has done a lot for the advancement of women. I mean, look at how many women he's caused to come forward.

A new study says that average American spends $500 on pet care, which makes me wonder: so those Americans that spend that much and don't own a pet -- what's up with that?

According to a new survey, almost half of all Americans are afraid they can't afford Christmas this year. The sad part: the holiday is free... we make it so that it's not affordable.

Herman Cain says he's "reassessing his campaign"... which is code for, "For God's sake! Are there any more out there?"

Burger King has changed their French Fries -- making them thicker, reducing the sodium and adding a coating that makes them crisper and keeps them hotter longer. Finally, someone has figured out a way to make Americans eat more French Fries! Oh, wait, that wasn't a problem, was it?

I did a little bit of shopping on Cyber Monday. To make it feel more like Black Friday, I also went to Pepper Spray dot com.

You'd think in this day and age, if you wanted to "Occupy" something, there'd be an ap for that.

Daniel Craig has called the Kardashians "F-ing idiots." In his defense, from all we've heard, that is a technically true statement.

Kate Gosselin says she will never film another show of any kind with ex-husband Jon again.  We should send flowers.

In Greenwich, Connecticut, three wealthy investors who were already worth millions won the $254-million power ball jackpot. In a related story, the person in charge of life being fair has resigned.

A new photo from one of Saturn's moons shows it may have all the elements necessary for life-nitrogen, methane and a Starbucks.

Kris Humphries claims his marriage to Kim Kardashian was a fraud.  My guess is his NBA career will be the next topic.

Courtney Love is offering to coach Lindsay Lohan to keep her sober.  In other news, Herman Cain is offering free marriage counseling!


  1.     "Silent Newt"
  2.     "The Year Christmas Came After Thanksgiving"
  3.     "Rudolph the Nose-Job Reindeer"
  4.     "Holiday In... sane!"
  5.     "Give it a rest ye merry Kardashians"


  1.     Your American Express card actually started smoldering
  2.     American Airlines says you spent more than they did
  3.     You developed a serious case of "charger's elbow"
  4.     Your book of receipts is now an inch thick and has 15 chapters
  5.     A thank you note from Macy's, for allowing them to close early this year

Laugh a little, would ya?

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