This Week's Wacks
Our 843rd Edition
"Where the rubber meets the jokes"
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January 27th, 2012
There's a new app that lets you post a message on Facebook after you die. Actually, I was hoping to give that up by then.
Then again, after I die, if someone asks me to play Farmville, I'll know I didn't make it to heaven.
Rick Perry has dropped out of the Republican race. He said he wanted to commit to Newt Gingrich, but only if he'd be interested in an open endorsement.
Kenny G's wife is filing for a divorce. She says his music career was instrumental.
Kristin Cavallari and Chicago Bears Quarterback Jay Cutler are expecting their first child together. Now we know what he likes to do in the off-season.
A University of California researcher says that gossiping may actually be good for you, reducing stress, discouraging bad behavior and preventing exploitation. Of course, you know what I've heard about University of California researchers…..
A new survey says that men spend significantly more on coffee and on lunch than women do. Could that be….because WE'RE BUYING?
One in every four Americans now owns a tablet computer or an e-reader. Finally, I'm part of the majority!
Simon Cowell says that he and his fiancé are "on a break". Hey Simon, remember what kind of trouble that got Rachel & Ross into!
Radiation from a strong solar storm on the sun is going to be hitting the earth for the next day or so. Hey, at least we don't have to shovel it. Of course, now that I mention it, the shovel is glowing.
Disney World is ready for all those candidates coming to Florida to campaign for the Republican primary. They've installed signs that say, "Your poll numbers must be this high to ride this ride."
Mitt Romney paid less than 15% income taxes, so he's apparently good at writing things off…as the Republican party is getting ready to do to him.
Starbucks has begun selling beer and wine at select locations. Can the $20 beer be far behind?
If Seal & Heidi Klum divorce he'll probably give her the house. The last thing he wants is to become known as the good house-keeping Seal.
New stats show that Americans listen to 14.6-billion hours of radio every month. Sure explains why the phone is always busy when you're trying to be caller #9.
In England, a new bride owes it all to her husband's best man, who donated one of his kidneys to her. I think its obvious who should get the first thank you note.
Disney Theme Parks is going to allow employees to wear beards for the first time in their history. Up until now, the only ones allowed were a couple of Snow White's co-workers.
They say it's the year of the Dragon. It's Friday. I'm draggin'.
Alaska Airlines is going to stop including little prayer cards with its meals after 30 years. I'm in complete shock-an airline is still serving meals?
Navy Seal Team 6 had another successful mission this week. Hopefully, this will boost their ranks to Navy Seal Team 4 or 5.
Pat Sajak admits that, in the early years of "Wheel of Fortune", he sometimes hosted the show drunk. Of course, what inspired him to quit was when he saw the wheel spinning…and it wasn't.
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES ARE GETTING TIRED
- Instead of debating again, they propose a Yahtzee-off
- Ron Paul changes name to Paul Ron, just to mess people up
- Romney asks, "Where's Huntsman? How long has he been gone?"
- Newt just spent five minutes attacking Rick Perry, who dropped out last week
- There's now a quarter jar on the stage for every time someone yawns during a debate
TOP FIVE WAYS THE WHITE HOUSE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF WE ELECTED LARRY KING PRESIDENT
- The West Wing would be re-named The Rest Wing
- He would make each ex-wife a foreign ambassador
- More sponsorships, like "I pledge allegiance to Garlique!"
- At press conferences, Larry would ask the questions to reporters
- State of the Union would open with, "Is the caller there?"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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