This Week's Wacks
Our 845th Edition
"If I had a nickel for every time I spent a nickel, I'd break even"
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February 10th, 2012

A conservative group is demanding that JC Penney drop Ellen DeGeneres as a spokesperson because Ellen……is gay! Who knew?

Roseanne Barr is running for president with the Green Party.  Great--another candidate I won't vote for!

Gotta admit-the idea of her as president does make me feel a little green.

Throw in Vice-President Tom Arnold and I'll consider it.

David Beckham says he's had to give up walking around naked at home.  What a coincidence--the mall told me the same thing.

Yes, the Giants won the Superbowl. Eli Manning is walking around with a World Championship ring….but New England quarterback Tom Brady is wearing a t-shirt that says, "I get to go home to Gisele Bundchen."

I took a hot yoga class the other day-it turns out the yoga was stolen!

Another Superbowl has come and gone.  Now I've gotta find that leftover chicken wing and bean dip casserole recipe.

Clint Eastwood says it's "Halftime in America".  So, where are the dancing Recession Girls?

I kept waiting for Clint to say, "So you gotta be askin' yourself, 'Are there two quarters left or only one?  Are you feeling lucky, punk?'"

Oh my gosh, I just realized that this Sunday---THERE'S NO FOOTBALL!!!  AWWWWWWWWW!!!!

Simpsons toys have been banned in Iran.  Oh, sure, let the kids play with enriched uranium, that's OK…but Simpsons toys?  No-o-o-o-o….

Daniel Radcliffe was at a California mall the other day when a fan came up, got down on one knee and proposed to him.  She had a diamond ring and everything.  Daniel, of course, said two things: "No, thank you" and "Security!"

I'm waiting for Hugh Hefner to do a video in which he says, "It's Hef time in America!"

Rick Santorum won three states in the Republican race on Tuesday.  It was his way of saying, "Get your Mitts off that nomination!"

An appeals court in California has ruled that a ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional.  The biggest impact is that now, Rice-a-Roni is no longer the #1 treat in San Francisco.

It's so hard to keep up.  Ten years ago, if I had said "Adelle", you would have thought I was talking about a computer.

A woman in China has given birthday to a 15-pound baby!  When asked what she was going to call it, she said, "Quits!"

FOX announced that this will be the last season for "House".  Technically speaking, it wasn't canceled-it was foreclosed.

I keep seeing the ads for "It's halftime in America." This is the longest halftime ever.

Snooki says she has experimented with girls before and thinks she is bisexual.  Hey, everything time she thinks, it's an experiment.

Laugh a little, would ya?

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