This Week's Wacks
Our 848th Edition
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March 2nd, 2012

John Edwards' former mistress has won ownership of their sex tape in court. Can someone tell me if the good side won or not?

Wow, Mr. Potato Head turns 60 this month. Is it just me or doesn't he sound a lot like Don RIckles?

He's really been slowing down in these later years. One of his biggest pleasures is spending time with the grand-fries.

Kate Gosselin says she's lonely. With 8 kids, I find that hard to believe.

Oh, wait: clarification. Kate says there's no "romance" in her life. That I believe. I also believe there's a connection between that and what prevents her from being lonely.

I'm trying to imagine a night out with Kate Gosselin. Go to dinner, go to a movie, then head back and run all the baby sitters home...

Sinead O'Connor says she wants to pose for Playboy. Hey, Sinead, go ahead and start posing. Just don't go expecting any cameras to show up.

A new report calls Washington, D.C. the "adultery capitol of America." At least, that's what my congressman's wife told me late last night.

Who knew a silent movie could win so many Oscars? To think, if silent movies like "The Artist" had come along sooner, we may have never heard the voice of Fran Drescher!

Newt Gingrich is calling himself, "The $2.50 a gallon of gas president." Funny, but just the idea of him being president gives me gas.

Jonah Hill took his mom as his date to the Oscars Sunday night. Someone asked me if I would do that and I said, "Why would I do that? I don't even know the woman!"

The good news: Chris Brown & Rihanna are getting along enough now that they've back into the studio together to do some recording. The bad news: the song they're singing is "Hit Me With Your Best Shot."

Everyone's pretty much figuring that Adele's boyfriend is going to propose to her during a May getaway on her birthday. Yep, do it on her birthday and its one less date to remember. Shoot -- was that my outside voice?

Donald Trump says that OPEC leaders are laughing at us. I could have sworn I heard one of them say the word, "toupee."

The good news: we're starting to worry less about $5 a gallon gas. The bad news: we're starting to worry more about $6 a gallon gas.

I went and saw "The Artist" the other night. It wasn't exactly a silent movie -- I heard at least three cell phones go off!

Snooki is pregnant. For more details, read the last chapter of Revelations.

In Louisiana a male chimpanzee named Conan is still getting female chimps pregnant despite the fact that he's already had two vasectomies. He was also said to be very sad about the loss of Davy Jones.

The all-female rowing team said they spent most of their 45 days at sea naked as they something, something, something, crossing the Atlantic Ocean.

A woman in Massachusetts found $2,000 cash in a coat someone dropped off at the True Blue Dry Cleaners.  The woman said she was surprised at the $1,000 and hoped to get all $500 of it back to the original owner.

Microsoft has unveiled their new Windows 8 software….or, as Apple users refer to it, "So what?"


  1.     They had seen his movies
  2.     Oh, I'm sorry... I thought you said figure skater Sasha Cohen
  3.     Academy had already hit their limit on three-named actors
  4.     Who could forget that unfortunate "Borat" incident from a few years ago? You had?
  5.     He wanted to come in costume and it would have detracted from Lady Gaga


  1.     For Lent, giving up brains
  2.     Dig up some of my old classmates for a reunion
  3.     Catch annoying neighbor kid who always yells out, "Hey, dead guy!"
  4.     Planning to walk a 5K in 2013... probably over most of the year.
  5.     Try again to do something about that smell

Laugh a little, would ya?

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