This Week's Wacks
Our 853rd Edition
"April showers when she wants to feel fresh"
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial
April 6th, 2012
A truck crashed and spilled over 500 gallons of milk on a highway east of Seattle on Sunday. Because it didn't make sense, no one cried.
Isn't funny how life is? Just a week ago, because of the Mega Millions lottery, you weren't planning to be doing what you're doing right now.
Newt Gingrich is down to just 12 staffers. Can a last supper be far behind?
Last week in Ireland, an elephant escaped from a circus and ended up at a mall. Ironically, he couldn't remember why we he went there.
"The Hunger Games" was the #1 movie in America for the second week in a row. If you like sports because of the excitement, you've gotta love a competition that STARTS out in "Sudden Death Overtime."
A group headed up by Magic Johnson bought the Dodgers for $2 billion. It's the first connection they've had to anything Magic in 20 years.
The International Olympic Committee decided that at the Summer Games in London this year, female beach volleyball players will no longer be required to wear bikinis. You mean…we could end up watching it for the sport?
This week Walt Disney's stock reached its highest point in a year. In spite of the odds, Disneyland became an even happier place.
"Titanic: 3D" opened in theaters on Wednesday. 3D, by the way, stands for $3 more than the last time you saw it in the theater.
Best Buy is closing 50 stores. They've also downgraded 20% of their Geeks to just Nerds.
In a new world happiness study, Denmark was found to be the happiest country in the world. Everybody sing-"There ain't nothing like a Dane!"
What makes it such a happy place? For starters, they don't show "Jersey Shore" in that country.
This makes it tough on the folks who did the study. Every time they want to go to their happy place, they gotta fly 10 hours.
Another new study: people were asked at what age in their life were they the happiest and the #1 answer: 33! So, in theory, I'm getting closer to being twice as happy?
The transgender contestant that was kicked out of the Miss Canada Universe pageant a couple of weeks ago is being let back in, as long as she can prove she is female. Now there's a job your high school career counselor never brought up.
Two of Hollywood's biggest unions have merged into one. SAG and AFTRA have now become SAG-AFTRA….which sounds like a medication that comes with a lot of side effects. "Ask your doctor about SAG-AFTRA."
Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney has no principles. Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle Gingrich?
We know that three people won last week's Mega Millions lottery, but none have stepped forward yet. This is making it very difficult to claim I'm related to one of them. Actually, maybe all three.
I don't know what happens when we die. The only thing for certain: I do know I won't have The Fray performing at my funeral.
A new study claims that four out of 10 Americans are now obese. Originally, they thought it was five out of 10, but it turned out that one was so fat, they thought he was two people.
Malaysia Airlines is introducing a new concept: no child zones on their flights. Next, we can work on a "no body odor" section.
By the way, if you missed buying tickets for last week's Mega Millions lottery, you're $20 richer than me.
TOP FIVE THINGS I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY
1. At the risk of being redundant, drives a Volkswagen Rabbit
2. Blatantly ignores the rule, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket"
3. Really tired of being asked, "How are your Peeps?"
4. His wife, back in her 20s, used to be a bunny
5. Refuses to get cable -- still using rabbit ears
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY HAS GONE GREEN
1. Plastic grass now made from recycled tires
2. Two words: tofu Peeps
3. Now hopping down the bunny bike trail
4. Stopped using insects to color red and pink eggs
5. Easter Egg hunts now called "Reclamation Events"
THE EASTER BUNNY'S TOP FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME
1. "Hare: the musical"
2. "Bunny Lady"
3. "Splendor in the Plastic Grass"
4. "Dye Hard with a Dozen"
5. "The Hutch Back in Notre Dame"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS--This week's Facebook Post of the Week is in the Genes.
PSPS--Some profound thoughts await you on my blog.
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PSPSPSPSPS--She's Ima Norwegian. Catch her every Sunday at MyBallard.com