It's 4-20. If you don't know what that means, you don't know. If you do know what that means, you probably forgot.
'Keeping up with the Kardashians' is being expanded by a half hour. I don't know what we did wrong.
'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' is being expanded from a half hour to an hour... which gives me even more to not watch.
I had a rough weekend. It's kind of personal and I don't want to say what happened, but I'll give you a hint: North Korea.
North Korea fired off their missile, proving to the world that they could defend themselves if ever attacked by an ocean.
They tried everything to get it to work and stay up long enough to reach orbit. They even thought about baseball.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: if I ever became a zombie, I'd just die!
One of the Bee Gees--Robin Gibb--is in a coma and battling pneumonia. Doctors say he's hanging in there and stayin' alive, stayin' alive....
If you hadn't heard, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are officially engaged. Isn't that like someone who has lived in a house for five years suddenly declaring himself a homeowner?
Mike and Ike announced on Facebook and Tumblr last week that they're breaking up. I was hoping that they could stay together, at least for the sake of the Kit Kats.
57-year-old Kelsey Grammer went into a Chicago tattoo parlor and had his wife's name put on his right hip. Hopefully, he won't have to replace it someday. The hip, I mean...
In Austria, thieves broke into a warehouse and stole 2 tons of coffee. The suspects are described as armed and extremely awake.
I'm old enough to remember Friday nights when I was looking for "Hot to Trot" or may some "Menage a Trois" and they weren't wines.
In Columbia, U.S. secret service agents were busted for hiring prostitutes. Obviously, they weren't very good at keeping their service a secret.
I really like jeopardy. Not the TV show, just being in a state of uncertainty.
I'd love to "Dare to Dream." The dreaming isn't the hard part, it's the sleeping.
President Obama is hosted several NASCAR drivers at the White House yesterday. There was even a ceremony in honor of those who keep going around and around in circles... AND there was a ceremony for the drivers, too.
They say that Foresquare now has over 20-million users. I don't want to sound out of touch, but I haven't played that since the 3rd grade. What's the appeal?
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are said to be dating. It's like the 70's all over again again.
I have a friend visiting Australia. I had to ask, "So when you're down under, does everything else seem like it's on top?"
The Secret Service agents involved in that Columbia hooker scandal are being transferred to the brand-new Department of PARTY!!!!
Tom Petty's stolen guitars have been found, one person has been arrested -- a security guard. Talk about Petty.
At the St. Louis Zoo, Newt Gingrich got too close to one of the animals and was bit on the hand by a penguin. A penguin wearing a Santorum button.
In Portland, Oregon, a man was arrested after disrobing and going through airport security naked. The good news is, he had nothing to hide.
Mel Gibson's upset that writer Joe Esterhaus has leaked out one of his rants, in which he said, "She's nothing but a….." Oh, there's more…we just can't say any of those words. Be we can assure you he said, "She's nothing but a…"
Remember, if you're playing "Draw Something", unemployment doesn't count.
Taylor Hanson of Hanson fame is about to become a father AGAIN. He and his wife are expecting child #5. If you were wondering what he's been doing since Hanson, now you know.
I wish I was good enough to deserve less self-esteem.
TOP FIVE THINGS BENJAMIN FRANKLIN WOULD SAY TODAY IF HE WERE AROUND
"$35? For a kite?"
"Can thou tellst it's a wig?"
"A penny saved is equal to my 401K"
"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and Snooki."
"There's no greater gift than education... or Wikipedia"
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU PICKED A LOUSY MASSEUSE
Every five seconds, keeps saying, "Ew... ew... ew... "
Uses Quaker State oil
"I wish I knew what this thing was on my hand?"
I don't mind walking on my back, but can you take off the golf shoes?