This Week's Wacks
Our 860th Edition
"It's not getting older that bothers me the most, it's....something else."
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May 25th, 2012

I'll just point out that we're exactly 7 months away from Christmas.

According to a new book, Mick Jagger used prostitutes. Who knew he was with the secret service?

Herman Cain has endorsed Mitt Romney. His mistresses, however, are still running Obama, 7-2.

There's a new online reality show premiering this summer called "The Mormon Bachelor. It'll feature one bachelor who will choose between 25 women which one he'd love to go on a missionary assignment with.

Life is all about balance. On days I'm feeling down, I just remember all that I'm fortunate have in my life. On days I'm feeling on top of the world, I bring myself back down by watching a Mariners game.

You know you're getting old when....something....

OK, I'm from Seattle. That explains why I thought "50 Shades of Grey" was a book about the weather.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg celebrated his 28th birthday over the weekend by marrying his longtime girlfriend. He invited 100 guests he liked, but had to unlike over 1,000 people.

Harbor Patrol officers found nearly 8,000 pounds worth of marijuana floating off the coast of California on Sunday. They're pretty sure that wasn't all of it, after they found a pod of whales making a krill pizza.

A new J.C. Penney catalog features a gay couple. It's part of their new, "Won't ask, please order" campaign.

Of course, I have my doubts -- not that they're a gay couple, but that those are actually J.C. Penney clothes.

The Wiggles have announced that three of the original four members are leaving the group: the purple one, the yellow one, and the red one are all leaving at the end of the year. Their plans are to try and integrate the blue man group.

CNN's ratings hit a 15-year-low this week. To make matters worse, I heard about it on FOX News.

By the way, transgender Miss Universe Canada contestant Jenna Talackova made it to the final 12 over the weekend, but she lost by a whisker.

Yeah, it's a sight gag, but you find a place to use it: Ohmanmyspacebuttonisbroken

David Beckham says when he's done playing soccer, he'd like to coach kids. You can almost hear the moms fighting to get their kid on his team.

I have to say, for the first time, I think there were more celebrities on "Celebrity Apprentice" than there were stars on "Dancing with the Stars."

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has already had his first argument with his new wife. It started when she exclaimed, "I need MySpace!"

Eugene Polley, who is credited with inventing the TV remote control, has died at age 96. He'll never have to get up to change channels again.

Seattle traffic is 7th worst in the country. Wow, we're 7th. It's like having another sports team.

DC Comics says one of their major comic superheroes is going to come out as gay. With all those tights, capes and silky outfits, I'm surprised it's only one.

CNN's ratings have hit another low, their worst in 20 years. Their total number of viewers has fallen below the people watching a pot, waiting for it to boil.

Greg Allman is getting married again, for the 7th time. I believe he's earned the nickname, "The Larry King of Rock."

By the way, he's 64, she's 24 and hopefully has some nursing in her background.

Be against bullying or I'll slug you!

Los Angeles has become the largest city to ban plastic bags--in grocery stores, not under breasts.

Buying all those shares of Facebook probably wasn't the smartest thing, but the investment does go along well with my house.

A new report suggests that Christopher Columbus may have secretly been Jewish. Although, the only proof we have is a story where he returned after discovering America and his mother said, "That's nice. But your brother, he's a doctor. Now that's a career!"

I've found that the best way to stop snoring is to avoid sleep.

The man who invented the TV remote control has….well, let's just say his batteries expired.  Ironically, they found his will in between the couch cushions.

Hard to believe that we ever lived in a country where, while watching TV, we actually had to get up off the couch.


  1.     Your only way out is a controlled-burn
  2.     Your lawn mower has tried to run away three times
  3.     Mailman tried to cut across lawn, hasn't been seen for days
  4.     Grass is so tall, people think you're growing rice
  5.     Your car is out there... .somewhere... on the lawn.


  1.     Every time someone knocks on the front door, you hear the toilet flush
  2.     Blue smoke continuously coming out of the bedroom
  3.     Someone changed your ring tone to "On the road again"
  4.     Alligator clips everywhere!
  5.     Bong in the dishwasher

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--The original "Two and a half men" is this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--How to have a car accident and World's Fair memories, both in my blog.
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PSPSPSPSPS--She's Ima Norwegian.  Catch her every Sunday at