This Week's Wacks
Our 863rd Edition
"All we are is just another whoopee cushion in the chair."
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June 15th, 2012
The Green Lantern has come out as the first gay comic book superhero. Although, being in charge of security at the Tony's every year, I had my suspicions.
They've discovered the long-lost report filed by the doctor who rushed to Abe Lincoln's side when he was shot. It was written on a very old golf score card.
Italy has begun selling ice cream for dogs. The most popular flavor: Tin Woof.
Because dog ice cream will make them fat and slow them down, I have this feeling it was invented by a cat.
Kim Kardashian gave Kanye West a Lamborghini for his 35th birthday. I'm going to assume that's a car and not Italian for something.
This just in: "I'll have another" is changing his name to "Bring me another filly!"
Matthew McConaughey and his longtime girlfriend Camila Alves finally tied the knot on Saturday. They decided to get married after living together all these years and never having a single beef.
Madonna reportedly bared a nipple at her concert in Istanbul. At last count, there were at least three people that hadn't seen it before.
Lady Gaga was accidentally hit on the head with a pole during a concert in New Zealand. She'll be fine. Well, as fine as she can be.
Her first response was, "Oh, I'm fine. Now, let's do 'Borderline' then 'Like a Virgin'!"
In horse-racing news, "I'll have another" is probably doing that right now.
North Dakota is considering eliminating property taxes, which is great news for property owners in North Dakota. The bad news, of course: you're a property owner in North Dakota.
Tokyo has been named the World's Most Expensive City. How expensive is it? If you have to ask how much a latte` at Starbucks is, you can't afford it.
A new report claims that the world is a more peaceful place in 2012. At least, for those of us who have survived this far.
Glen Beck has signed a new 5-year-, $100-million radio deal with Clear Channel. I find it fascinating that anyone would get $100-million for something I'll never hear.
Apple is holding their annual meeting at which they announce that all that technology you invested in during the past year is now out-dated.
I want to get dad something pricey this weekend for Father's Day. Do you know how to wrap a tank of gas?
A new study suggests that men and women are 14 percent more likely to die on their birthday than any other day of the year. Don't tick me off or I'll throw you a surprise party.
It's 100% if you're an Al-Qaeda leader and your birthday present is arriving by drone.
It's been reported that Kanye West is getting ready to propose to Kim Kardashian. Suspicion was fueled when Kanye was seen talking with a divorce attorney.
Betty White met with President Obama at the White House this week. She says he was fun, but he's certainly no Tom Jefferson.
It's "Father's Day" weekend. Don't forget, this Sunday, to re-wrap what you got dad last Father's day to see if he remembers.
CNN has canceled John King's evening TV show, which I find shocking since I didn't even know he had one. Those two facts could be connected. Oh and one other question: who the heck is John King?
TOP FIVE SUBTLE HINTS YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EAT AT THIS RESTAURANT
No flies anywhere -- they refuse to go in!
The chalk body outlines on the floor
The other sign, "2 Days Since We Lost Our Last Customer"
The sign "Not responsible for what we serve"
Walking past the police tape wasn't enough, huh?
TOP FIVE NAMES WE THINK WOULD BE GREAT FOR A RACEHORSE
"Get this little guy off my back"
"I wouldn't bet on me if I was you"
"Ghost of Lindsay Lohan"
"50 Shades of the Old Grey Mare"
"Will Race for Food"
PS--Something pretty downright silly on this week's
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PSPS--Green Acres and the Helms Bakery Truck among the items on this week's
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