This Week's Wacks
Our 867th Edition
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July 13th, 2012

I have some disappointed Norwegian friends. They had heard scientists had finally identified "the cod particle."

Friday was the Dalai Lama's 77th birthday... this time around.

Apple is building a smaller iPad, just in time for the holidays. My guess is that it'll be stocking-size.

Saw this one on Facebook--"A man's five minutes until I get home is equal to a woman's five minutes until I'm ready."

Kim Kardashian says she's going to have a boob lift after she has kids. Didn't say which one.

Over 3,000 heat records were broken across the U.S. over the past week... and another 2,000 warped.

Now I'm excited about the new Batman movie. For a while, I thought they were saying, "the dark Newt rises." Just didn't want to go through that all over again...

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have already reached a divorce settlement. That was quick! If only "Vanilla Sky" had ended that fast.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have already reached a divorce settlement. TomKat has been officially neutered.

The 90's group Chumbawamba has officially broken up. They got knocked down and this time, they're not getting back up.

Today's good question, compliments of "So, who does clean up after seeing eye dogs?"

In Seattle, a car crashed through the front window of a Starbucks. What are the odds? Actually, in Seattle, pretty good.

Bobby Rich notes that The Today Show has welcomed Savannah Guthrie on board as an official co-host. Her first assignment is hosting a new segment called, "Where in the world is Ann Curry?" Too soon?

A woman in Tacoma, Washington, was attacked by a gang of raccoons! What's worse is that they'll probably get away with it, since they were all wearing masks!

Norman Sas has died at the age of 97. He was the inventor of electric football. If you great up in the 1960s, that was back when we'd turn something on, it would vibrate and all we thought about was football.

A new study claims that if you sit less than 3 hours a day, you'll add two years to your life. That's it -- I'm going to start taking a more active role in life. From now on, I'm going to stand while watching TV!

A new study claims that if you sit less than 3 hours a day, you'll add two years to your life. Avoid sitting in the passenger's side of Lindsay Lohan's car, you'll add another 10.

I missed what happened at the Olympic trials. Did they find anyone guilty?

San Bernardino has become the third California city to file for bankruptcy in the past two weeks. Back when I was growing up, there were predictions that California cities would slide into something. At the time, I thought they were saying "ocean."

Olympic officials plan to use high-pitched, painful sounds to disperse large crowds. Finally, the time has come for Zombie Tiny Tim.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.

This weekend, hundreds of mimes from all over the country will be heading to Detroit for a weekend of workshops and performances. Will they have fun?  Can't really say!

There's a big push underway for more nude beaches in America. Understandably, also fewer jellyfish.

Robin Thicke smashed his Porsche into a parked Volkswagen on Sunset Boulevard the other night.  He's fine, but his insurance agent really hates him.


  1.     The devil just said, "Uh, I'm going home where it's cooler."
  2.     That cactus over there has a water bottle!
  3.     The Scientology spies are hiding near the air conditioner
  4.     The neighborhood kids just rolled the ice cream truck like they had won an NBA championship!
  5.     Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are sharing a bus for the air conditioning


  1.     Guy at freeway off ramp holds sign, "Will sweat for water"
  2.     The U.S. weather map looks like tomato soup
  3.     Somehow, you burned your sun tea
  4.     A Boy Scout started a fire by rubbing two popsicles together
  5.     I saw a camel carrying a water bottle


PS--Well, that's one way to lose your teeth....on this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--JC Penney won't leave me alone!  Details on my blog.
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PSPSPSPSPS--She's Ima Norwegian.  Catch her every Sunday at