This Week's Wacks
Our 869th Edition
"If you skipped this, you'd be laughing by now"
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July 27th, 2012
A 46 mile long chunk of an iceberg floating free now has broken off of Greenland. All we need now is a 50-million gallon bottle of single-malt Scotch and we're set for life.
The west coast is dealing with tropical storm Fabio. As bad as that name sounds, it's better than the original F-name they came up with.
The storm is being described as having "hurricane-force winds, but with a gentle sensitivity."
Jimmy Kimmel asks a good question. "If we're experiencing the worst drought in 56 years, wouldn't that actually make it the best drought?"
A new study found that Facebook games can cause kids to develop gambling problems. I'll bet that's not true with my kids. Oh-oh...
Just a suggestion here, but does someone want to tell Fred Willard about the Internet? Might help keep him out of jail.
Fred, if you haven't heard, was charged with lewd conduct in an adult theater. He says he's not completely guilty, but he had a hand in it.
Newt Gingrich and Snooki hit it off together the other night on "The Tonight Show." That would be quite a presidential ticket... although, I'm not sure how good a vice-president Newt would make.
They could run as the candidates for the Party Party.
Indonesia has shut down over 1-milliion porn websites. That explains it. I mean, good for them!
Penn State's football program will not get the death penalty, proving one and for all that paying college football players under the table is much worse than operating a Club Ped for pedophiles.
Removing Joe Paterno's statue seems like the right move. Now we all know it exists, we're just not going to tell anyone about it.
Mariah Carey will join the judges panel on "American Idol" next season. Jim Carrey would have been more fun.
Last week, officials in Connecticut found two goats and 25 chickens living in an apartment. The police are talking to the apartment owner, some rapper named Old MacDonald.
Among the penalties for Penn State--nullifying all wins since 1998. 111 of them, as they never happened. Seems like "as if it never really happened" is a theme at that school.
Zillow says that home values have risen every month for the past 4 months. I'm still under water, but at least now the snorkel is reaching the surface.
As the most interesting man in the world says today, "Stay Thursday, my friends."
Wouldn't it seem appropriate for the Jackson clan to all appear together on "Family Feud?" Best episode ever!
A new study published by The British Medical Journal found that inactivity can kill you. Ironically, there's nothing you can do about it.
Kristen Stewart is apologizing for cheating on Robert Pattinson. Hey, it's his fault. He never should have made her a vampire.
A study out of Portland State University found that water just off the coast of Oregon is slightly caffeinated. Can changing the name from Pacific Ocean to the Starbucks Ocean be far behind?
OLD JOKE: My uncle was in the Olympics. He was all set to do the shot put, when he backed into a javelin thrower and won the long jump.
I'd just like to publicly apologize for what I think about Kristen Stewart.
Kristen Stewart is publicly apologizing for having an affair with a married
director. In her defense, it shows she takes direction well.
TOP FIVE REASONS WHY YOU'RE READY FOR SUMMER TO BE OVER
Your slip 'n slide sticks
Your baseball team starts appearing on the back page of the sports section
The health department shut down your Kool Aid stand
Your air conditioning bill was bigger than your house payment
TOP FIVE QUESTIONS NOT TO ASK WHEN YOU ONLY GET FIVE QUESTIONS
Do rhetorical questions count?
Yeah, but you're not counting that one, are you?
How many have I got left?
Did that one count?
Would you answer six questions?
TOP FIVE OLYMPIC EVENTS WE'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO
Ann Curry throwing the javelin at Matt Lauer
Hope Solo's True Confessions?"Volume 6
Willard Scott honoring all the yard dashes that turn 100
First time use of the Pee-in-the-Olympic Pool detector
If a practical joker will sneak a bunch of Jell-O mix in the diving pool
PS--The world's most accurate pie chart on this week's
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PSPS--Saying goodbye to a Northwest clown on my
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over
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