This Week's Wacks
Our 874th Edition
"If there's something you only do once in a Blue Moon, tonight's your night!"
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August 31st, 2012

First thing's first--Happy birthday to my dad, John Hunter, who celebrates 89 today!

I suppose the two big news stories of the past week were "Prince Harry Naked" and "Lance Armstrong stripped."

The USADA is going to strip Lance Armstrong of all 7 of his Tour de France titles. To add insult to injury, they're also letting the air out of both of his bike tires.

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi gave birth to a baby boy, Lorenzo Dominic, just as predicted in the book of Revelations.

Movie producer Harvey Weinstein and his wife were the apparent targets of an extortion scheme run by an aspiring actor. The good news: this lands him a role in a new prison production called "Girlfriend."

Kathie Lee Gifford says she knows that Taylor Swift crashed a Kennedy family wedding because she was there. Like I'm going to believe that she was invited...

The White House says they didn't know about the controversial book coming out on the killing of Bin Laden... which tells terrorists, if you want to attack our country, just plan it all out in a book and work with a major publisher. No one will find out!

My sister Debbie noted an automated response from a co-worker, in time for the weekend: "Responses to calls after 8pm may be influenced by Cabernet Sauvignon."

Astronaut Neil Armstrong died over the weekend at age 82. For the record, he was the original moon-walker, not Michael Jackson.

According to friends, Prince Harry feels like "he let himself down." I imagine his pants feel the same way.

Jerry Nelson, the guy who brought Count Von Count to life on Sesame Street, has died. He was seventy -- aw, aw, aw... eight -- aw, aw, aw.

Is it time for the Tea Party to switch to caffeine-free?

Lil Wayne says he doesn't like New York. Not even a Lil bit.

Is it just me or is there way too much royal nudity these days?

It's rumored that Joe Biden is considering a run for president in 2016. Sometimes they write themselves.

A couple in Texas got engaged just hours after they were arrested for robbery. They'll be registered at the prison store.

In Afghanistan, the Taliban beheaded 15 men and two women who were caught dancing. Apparently, the show "So you think you can dance?" is much harsher there.

Besse Cooper, the world's oldest woman, celebrated her 116th birthday this week in Monroe, Georgia. They gave her the same thing they gave her last year.

I've been considering a major investment and I think, this weekend, I'm going to pull the trigger... and gas up the car!

A new study says that college students gain weight because of a change in their diet, consuming alcohol and less activity. An even newer study says that we waste a lot of money on really stupid studies.

Ron Akana retired as a flight attendant with United Airlines on Sunday after a 63-year career. At least now he'll have time to travel.

Bill Nye the Science guy is suggesting to parents that they NOT teach their kids creationism. And who would know more about the right way to raise kids than someone who doesn't have any?

President Obama is brewing his own beer in the White House.  Joe Biden will drive you to doing that.

The president said his first batch of beer was flat and disappointing, but he's hoping for better things with his second batch.  I'm sensing a theme here.

A hotel claims that Lindsay Lohan racked up a bill there of $46,000.and hasn't paid it.  I suppose the good news here is-at least she couldn't drive it.

TOP FIVE POSSIBLE NAMES FOR A PORN MOVIE STARRING PRINCE HARRY

  1.     "When Harry met Sally and Sarah and Wendy and Carla!"
  2.     "Third in Line, First in Love"
  3.     "The Royal Protocol Ball"
  4.     "Sleeping Bodyguards"
  5.     "Casino Royal"

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON

  1.     You've organized at-work tailgate parties
  2.     The USC-colored hair is a subtle hint
  3.     You use a bullhorn to make all company announcements
  4.     The fight song phone ring is good
  5.     You're breaking in a new set of stadium cushions at work

                               Tim

PS--What does a serious diet breakdown look like? Don't miss this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--A detailed account of my trip last weekend on my blog.
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PSPSPSPSPS--She's Ima Norwegian.  Catch her every Sunday at MyBallard.com. She's also threatening to start her own blog at imanorwegian.com