Hey, two months from today, we'll be hitting those "After Christmas" sales.
In India, a 52-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. The father is 96-years-old. I'm wondering the same thing---where are the parents?
Starbucks opened its first in India on Friday. And you thought the guy at tech support was talking fast before!
Tough choice tonight---Presidential Debate or Monday Night Football? I'm either going to sit around and watch a bunch of fumbles, fakes and incompletes or I'll turn on the football game.
Adele gave birth to a baby boy last Friday. I feel a song coming on.
The Atheist Party has endorsed President Obama. I find it a little unsettling that he's endorsed by a group that, when he takes his oath of office with his hand on a Bible, will be thinking: "Ha! Just kidding!"
They're also the ones who want to put a new slogan on all of our money: "Who do we trust?"
A 96-year-old man in India has become a father! Obviously, he ignored that "lasts more than four hours" warning.
Scientists have discovered a planet that could be mostly made of diamonds. Something for Kobe Bryant to keep in mind, for the next apology gift.
Political experts have done a fact-check on everything said in this presidential campaign and if the lies on both sides are taken away, the past two years never really happened.
I'm just asking -- Does Green Day come in any other colors?
Apple has introduced the iPad mine. I gotta say, back in my day, mini-pads had such a different meaning.
Donald Trump had a big announcement to make on Wednesday. Thought for sure he was going to finally admit it's a toupee.
The latest poll among registered voters shows that 6% are undecided. What makes matters worse is that the can't decide between using a pen or a pencil.
Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have called it quits. For Sanchez, yet another incomplete pass.
Eva Longoria appears to be one of those where, when you speak about her sig other, you always ask the question, "What team does he play on?"
Remember New Age spiritualist J.Z. Knight? She channeled a 35,000-year-old man called Ramtha. Now, there's a video going around that shows her channeling Ramtha in which he criticizes Jews, condemns gays and tells everyone else to get off of his lawn!
At this point, the only way a candidate is going to affect my vote is to develop a time machine-voted and just sitting back, ignoring them all.
Just remember, the polls may indicate that your candidate is going to win…but they said the same thing about Lance Armstrong!
To counter rumors that Fidel Castro had actually died months ago, he made an appearance on Cuban TV. I believe it was in an episode of "Havana Shore."
TOP FIVE TV SHOWS THAT ARE PROBABLY GOING TO BE CANCELED NEXT
"Meet Honey Boo-Boo's Cousin, Sugar Bee Bee"
"Vasectomies Can Be Funny"
"The Big Boring Theory"
"Women of the Full Binders"
FIVE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR KIDS SAY WHEN THEY COME TO YOUR HOUSE ON HALLOWEEN
"Hey, are these candy canes from last year?"
"Trick or treat or else!"
"What's a Sucret?"
"Do you have any no-sugar added, gluten and dairy-free treats?"
"How do you want your eggs? Sunnyside up or scrambled?"