This Week's Wacks
Our 884th Edition
""With 89% of the returns counted, we forgot where we were. Just act natural."
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November 9th, 2012
Blame my buddy Skip Tucker for this one: There's a new drink called the "Sandy"--it's a watered down Manhattan.
New York is continuing to have problems, mostly because of lack of power. It's like the baseball season is underway again.
I remember back in the day when Christmas showed up before Thanksgiving and I thought it was early. Can the all-in-one Election Day/Veteran's Day/Thanksgiving/Christmas day card be far behind?
Tomorrow will be a whole new day -- all those political commercials: gone!
Actually, Wednesday will be the day that the political ads will be replaced with commercials saying, "Makes the perfect Christmas gift!"
Steven Tyler dropped an F-bomb on "The Today Show" last week... which is about as surprising as the Octomom saying, "Whoops! Pregnant again!"
We made it! The presidential election is over. The only problem is, all those undecided voters don't know if they're relieved or not.
Aw, another presidential election over... for another year and a half... maybe...
The latest James Bond movie, "Skyfall," is being criticized for having too much product placement. Like the bad guy tells 007, "I don't try to take over the world all the time, but when I do, I like Dos Equis."
What was that? Listen? It's what I don't hear--campaign commercials.
I'm really glad for the political season to be over. Even on "The Walking Dead" this week, a guy was bit and before he became a zombie, he gave a concession speech.
Lindsay Lohan may be in trouble for lying to cops about her accident last June. Isn't it funny how, if you like to cops, you can be arrested. If you lie to everyone else, we elected you!
Now on Terry Bradshaw's Bucket List -- stop using the phrase, "Buckets of Chicken."
There are reports out of New York that people are on Craigslist offering sex for gasoline. Both regular and Ethel.
I was ready to start another chapter in my life when the bookmark fell out.
Congratulations, Governor Christie! So far, your plan is working perfectly!
My only questions--does this mean the Undecided voters went for Obama? Or that they're still sitting at home and missed the whole election?
Back in elementary school, have a "D" next to your name and it meant you were in trouble with your teacher and your parents. As an adult, put a "D" next to your name and you get elected!
OK, so who's going to tell Clint Eastwood that the empty chair won?
Wouldn't it be funny if one of the songs on the "Skyfall" soundtrack was done by a rapper called "Chic-Ken Liddle?"
Washington state appears to have legalized marijuana. They've gone from "The Evergreen State" to just one big hempy family.
Interesting results from Tuesday's election. In California, they actually voted for higher taxes. Up north, in Washington State, they voted for just higher.
Today's the day "Skyfall" arrives, unless you were a Romney fan. Then that day was last Tuesday.
TOP FIVE HINTS IT MAY BE TIME TO RAKE THE LEAVES IN YOUR YARD
- It appears the neighbor's tree is done dropping them in your yard
- FEMA asks to use your yard for rescue training
- Your dog is out there, somewhere. I can hear him.
- You have to clear out leaves to open the mailbox
- You need a snow shovel to find the sidewalk
TOP FIVE THINGS NOT TO SAY TO SUPPORTERS DURING A CONCESSION SPEECH
- "To be honest, I voted for him, too."
- "Frankly, I blame you"
- "So, we're doing separate checks tonight... "
- "Can I keep what's left in the campaign fund?"
- "Shoot... I guess I should have voted."
Tim
PSPS--My final thoughts on voting and a private conversation on my blog.
PSPSPS--If you're into Facebook, I'm right here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PSPSPSPSPS--She's Ima Norwegian. Catch her every Sunday on my Facebook page. She's also threatening to start her own blog at imanorwegian.com