I think we should allow the president to cut loose and say to Donald Trump, "Hey Donald -- I'm not going to show you any certificates but I will show you THIS!"
In Kenya, a woman gave birth to twin boys and named them Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Donald Trump refuses to believe it.
With Washington legalizing marijuana, the Seattle Seahawks have announced they're officially changing their name to the Seattle Seahookahs.
Selena Gomez has broken up with Justin Bieber. Just as the Mayans predicted.
It seems like it took forever for the Election to get here, yet Thanksgiving is just a week from Thursday. Maybe to make it seem longer, we need to bring back the campaign commercials!
The major networks are scratching their heads after viewership has dropped 10% so far this season. I wasn't going to spend a lot of time figuring it out. My favorite show was about to start on HBO.
Hines Ward appeared as a zombie in a recent episode of "The Walking Dead." Imagine if the NFL introduced zombie lineman. "Today, the Baltimore Ravens sacked the quarterback five times, eating two of them."
Florida has been running a little bit behind, but they say they have counted the last of the ballots and it's now official -- Barack Obama defeated John McCain. Now, to get going on those 2012 ballots...
It's time for our government to buckle down and focus on our economy and... oooh, look at the view from this fiscal cliff!
The voice of Elmo on Sesame Street has taken a leave of absence after accusations of an inappropriate relationship with a teenage boy. Producers of the show are trying to figure out how to make this a teaching moment with Elmo and have considered dropping the "El" from his name.
Funny, but it seems like we were just watching "The Bachelorette" for relationship drama. These days, it's the CIA and the Pentagon.
Hostess has permanently shut down three of its bakeries after workers went on strike this week. They're saying that the possibility of a Twinkies shortage is real... in fact, more real than the actual Twinkies.
Petraeus sounds an awful lot like "betray us." Just sayin'... ..
This scandal covers all the ranks, from General Petraeus to private parts.
The guy accusing the voice of Elmo of inappropriate behavior with a minor has recanted his claim. Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, says he's not exactly happy, but he is tickled.
It's strange--the guy made accusations, then withdrew them. It was like he was being manipulated... like, like he was a puppet!
They had double-eliminations this week on "Dancing with the Stars" and "The Voice." The two shows had to make up ground for last week and the Romney/Ryan double elimination.
I'm now 16 degrees of separation from the whole General Patraeus scandal. Yesterday, I was 24.
I'm just waiting for this whole Patraeus thing to somehow explain the Selena Gomez/Justin Bieber breakup.
One thing we know for sure about General Patraeus -- all of the previous Thanksgivings, he was being grateful for not getting caught.
AMF, the world's largest operator of bowling alleys, has filed for bankruptcy for the second time in 12 years. One more and they'll get an extra frame.
Hard to believe the Rolling Stones are going to tour again. Mick Jagger says he still remembers showing up at their first concert in that chariot, so many, many years ago...
Can "Real Housewives of the Pentagon" be far behind?
Fibbers have gathered at a pub in Northwest England to compete for "The World's Biggest Liar." The top prize: $1-million! Oh wait, that was a lie.
OK, we've heard about the fiscal cliff and how congress needs to save us. Just in case, anyone know where I can get a fiscal parachute?
The makers of Twinkies say that the Hostess Bakeries might be shutting down forever. What kind of Ding Dongs are running that company?
Petraeus rhymes with Betray-us. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Another morning, another day I haven't been linked to the Patraeus sex scandal…..yet…..
They had a showing of "Lincoln" at the White House. Isn't that like showing "Titanic" on a cruise?
TOP FIVE HOTTEST NEW CHRISTMAS GIFTS
"Keep a safe distance away from me Elmo"
A DVD of the failed TV show, "Kate plus Windows 8"
A set of President Romney Glasses (seriously, how many do you want?)
A copy of the new Selena Gomez song, "Breaking up really isn't that hard to do"
The Victoria's Secret anything
TOP FIVE SIGNS CHRISTMAS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER
The Christmas stuff has been out at Costco for a full two months
Santa seen hitting the de-tanning salon
More and more commercials have sleighbells in them
The neighbors say they're Thanksgiving lights, but we know better