This Week's Wacks
Our 888th Edition
"That seems so repetetive"
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December 7th, 2012
Dr. Dre made over $110-million last year. An inside source that tells me, he's not even really a doctor.
People close to Lindsay Lohan say she's drinking two liters of vodka a day. I suppose the good news is, she's cutting back.
The biggest challenge about being close to Lindsay is not getting run over.
Mitt Romney sat down with President Obama last week at the White House. They were supposed to have lunch together, but they were debating what to have and couldn't agree on anything.
From my buddy, Skip Tucker: If someone ever invented a low-fat, vitamin-filled vegetable that tasted like fudge-covered Rice Krispies Treats, I'd probably start eating a lot healthier.
A new study claims that exercise will keep the brain from shrinking. Well, I don't exercise and I don't know what that means.
Lindsay Lohan has made it through an entire day without being arrested somewhere. We're making progress... ...
Hugh Hefner is engaged again to another playmate. This one, Krystal Harris, is 26. Hugh has been carbon-dated at 86.
The very first text message was sent 20 years ago this week. It said, "I wonder if driving and texting is a good... ... "
A source is saying that Lindsay Lohan is completely out of control. The source has been identified as everybody else.
Nick Lachey is being accused of choking a fan at a San Diego Chargers game on Sunday. Nick says he was merely demonstrating to a fan what the Chargers were doing against Cincinnati.
The Center for Disease Control says the Flu Season has kicked off early. Wow, I completely missed the pre-season.
A city in South Dakota has banned eating while driving. I'm fine with that--it tends to get in the way of my texting.
The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees, one for every time Donald Trump accused the president of not having a birth certificate.
54 Christmas trees -- I can't even remember to water one!
Anderson Cooper says he was temporarily blinded last week. My guess is that he snuck a quick peek at the Honey Boo Christmas Spectacular. I was afraid something like that would happen.
A new study claims that women can tell if a man has cheated on them, just by looking at them! I believe the scientific name given is "Patreaus Syndrome."
As of this morning, smoking marijuana is legal in the state of Washington. Wonder who will the first to call into work, asking for directions?
Same-sex marriage became legal in Washington state this week. The announcement was made by Don Wenowourgayapparel.
Lest we ever forget....whatever it was......
Starbucks has introduced the $450 limited edition Starbucks gift card. Nice way to cover a couple of weeks worth of coffee!
From George Takei:
Q: How much does a Hipster weigh?
A: An Instagram.
Denny's opened a restaurant in Las Vegas that has a wedding chapel. Can the "Grand Slam Thank You Ma'am" be far behind?
A new survey shows that 15% of all holiday shopping is done on the toilet. I'm just wondering how you carry that thing through the mall with you.
86-year-old Hugh Hefner is engaged and he has picked up a marriage license with his 26-year-old fiancé. Remember it wasn't that long ago that Hugh was engaged, but then at the last minute she broke it off. Uh, pool choice of words. She "called off their engagement." Better.
Just watched the Victoria's Secret Christmas Special. I'm now ready to write up my list and send it to Santa.
TOP FIVE THINGS YOU HOPE WON'T SHOW UP IN YOUR CHRISTMAS STOCKING
- The VISA bill
- A mousetrap
- Pudding -- not in a container, just pudding
- A small, angry badger
- The orange you forgot about last year
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE
- "I'm getting a ride from Lindsay Lohan. Why do you ask?"
- "They made a Lord of the Rings movie?"
- "What do you mean there was a presidential election this year?"
- You imagined Honey Boo Boo to be a natural, but sticky way to treat an injury
- You thought "50 Shades of Gray" was about a paint store
Tim
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