This Week's Wacks
Our 889th Edition
"Deck the Halls they're annoying neighbors..."
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December 14th, 2012

Congress says they haven't done much about country's impending financial doom, but they have put a giant inflatable Rudolph at the edge of the fiscal cliff.

The Romney campaign had over $26-million left over after the presidential campaign. I'd suggest donating it to the government, but congress can spend that much during just a bathroom break.

The X-Factor is down to the final four. Contestants, not viewers, to be clear...

Saw one of the great holiday scenes the other day: Demi Moore taking her latest boyfriend in to get his Santa pictures.

The International Olympic Committee has stripped India of its right to participate in the games. To make matters worse, Tech Support will now longer be an exhibition sport.

The New Orleans Hornets are reportedly changing their name to the Pelicans. And that's better?

Catherine Zeta-Jones has told reporters to stop asking her about her recent bi-polar diagnosis. Now she says it's OK to ask.

So we have the team of Obama and Boeher trying to help us from driving off the financial cliff. It seems like they're working on a movie-type ending. Hopefully the movie isn't "Thelma and Louise!"

Al Gore is criticizing President Obama for not doing enough about global warming. "Tell me about it," said Frosty the Slushman.

A 4th accuser has stepped forward against the voice of Elmo, Kevin Clash. Apparently, the first accuser told his friends how to get, how to get to Sesame Street.

Facebook says that some people were locked out for a while on Monday. They were the ones thinking the Mayans were right, just not about the day.

North Korea has launched a long-range missile, explaining Santa's new anti-missile gear on the sleigh this year...

A new survey in the U.K. found 'Jedi' to be the most popular 'other religion' in the results. Surprises that me.

I'm a cynic. I'm the guy waiting for an ex-cast member to write a book about how everyone didn't really love Raymond.

A survey found that 66 million Americans haven't started their holiday shopping... or, as their otherwise known, "men."

By the way, for the record, not every man goes out on Christmas Eve and does their holiday shopping the last minute. Some stay at home, do it online and print certificates.

Some even got out the day BEFORE Christmas Eve.

My biggest problem so far this holiday season--I keep remembering to water the artificial tree!

Former President Bush's daughter, Jenna, has announced she's pregnant.  No word yet on whether it's a boy or a girl or when it will be running for president.

I met an actual Mayan who doesn't really believe the world is going to end in a week…but he is planning to hit the "After Apocalypse" sales on Saturday.

The latest report from the U.S. Census Bureau is out. For the first time, more people are moving away from California than are moving to California.  That explains why the new state song is, "California, we are done!"

76% of Americans would accept raising taxes on the rich to avoid the fiscal cliff. My guess is that 100% of that 76% is not among the 24% that would get the higher taxes.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBORS HAD A WILD HOLIDAY PARTY LAST NIGHT

  1.     People passed out in their front lawn are arranged to spell "Merry Christmas"
  2.     Neighbor complains, "Why is the lawn growing so loud?"
  3.     Lindsay Lohan left early, saying it was too rowdy for her
  4.     They just gave you a combination Christmas/Apology card
  5.     Your mailbox is full of eggnog

TOP FIVE EXCUSES USE WHEN CALLING IN SICK

  1.     Oh, heck, I went to see my cousin in "The Hobbit"
  2.     That thumb I hammered still hurts
  3.     I fell out of bed (remember, for elves, that's a long way down)
  4.     The weekend was even shorter than I am
  5.     Toy shoulder has flared up again

                                    Tim

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