This Week's Wacks
Our 892nd Edition
"It's the little things that write this size"
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January 11th, 2013

Dunkin' Donuts is testing out some new gluten-free pastries. Thank God that long national nightmare is almost over.

Star Wars creator George Lucas got engaged to his long-time girlfriend. To all of his critics -- see, she really does exist! Wonder who will Ewok her down the aisle... ...

I hate when Outlook corrects me and says I can't plan a meeting in the past. You know, if it just let me do that, I could miss more meetings.

It takes me a while to catch on. For a long time, I thought Hoobastank was a question.

Saw this one on Twitter, not mine: RG3 and Andrew Luck walk into a watch Russell Wilson in a playoff game.

I'm trying to get into those TV shows I keep hearing about. So, I watched an episode of "Downton Abbey," but I have a question -- which one is Honey Boo Boo?  Oh and has anyone else noticed they spelled "Downtown" wrong?

An American Eagle airline pilot whose breath smelled of alcohol was removed from the cockpit and arrested just before liftoff in Minneapolis on Friday. The overhead announcement, "Anyone want to do donuts?" was the clincher.

Hillary Clinton went back to work on Monday after her health scare. She wasn't sure she was ready, but Coach Shanahan said she had to go back in!

I'm waiting for the day that an organization of haters say that Valentine's Day is against their beliefs.

He's the kind of guy who would take a kitten to the Puppy Bowl.

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles have apparently already broken up. My theory is that she must have had enough ideas for enough breakup songs to fill an album, so he was no longer needed.

I was feeling edgy this morning. While driving into work, I saw some standing water. I rolled down my window and yelled out, "Hey! Sit down!"

I saw the ticket prices for "The Book of Mormon." I'd like to see the whole play, but I could only afford a couple of chapters.

I'm waiting for the day that health advocates demand that Kevin Bacon change his name to Kevin Turkey Bacon.

I still can't get over Monday night's national championship game. Who knew the Fighting Irish had become such pacifists.

A team of scientists in Scotland has developed a computer that writes jokes. I'm so threatened, I can't think of anything funny.

However, this could make something as simple as pulling a plug, hilarious!

David R. Ellis, who directed the movie, "Snakes on a Plane," has died. He was ssssssssssssssssssssssssssixty.

Lance Armstrong is now admitting he did blood doping when he won all those events and titles. I think the only thing to do is to give him unconditional forgiveness and then turn around and say we were lying.

I know the author of the phrase, "Cheaters never prosper" is planning to sue Armstrong.

Lance Armstrong has admitted that he's been lying all these years. In other words, he's considering a career in politics.

Maybe he should consider changing his last name from Armstrong to Tongue-forked?

There's a prototype that Microsoft is working with called IlumiRoom, which turns an entire room into a video game experience that goes beyond just your screen.  Finally, a way to get kids to play more video games!

To celebrate his birthday, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un sent two pounds of candy to every child in the country. In a related story, Kim Jong Un has been named "Man of the Year" by the Korean Dental Association.

After trashing "Two and a Half Men" on YouTube last year, Angus T. Jones is coming back to the show.  Well, that makes one of us.


  1.     When you serve it, you say, "Can I cut you a slice?"
  2.     I thought I heard the pot roar
  3.     You can stand a spoon, straight up, in a cup
  4.     You can only use industrial strength, steel stir sticks
  5.     It takes out fruit flies, mid-air


  1.     Quarterback missing game for pedicure (it's so hard to get in)
  2.     Offensive line trying to be less offensive
  3.     Linebacker says he avoids ball because of leather allergy
  4.     Your cheerleaders are cheering for their team
  5.     When you yell out, "Let's do the run up the middle play," they always stop it


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