Lawmakers in Hawaii passed a new law called the Steven Tyler Act... which is funny, since most people feel he can't.
Wrangler is coming out with a pair of jeans that claims to fight cellulite as you wear them. I wonder if the "fighting" part is the fact that you can't see it because you're wearing jeans?
Due to budget cuts, all tours of the White House have been canceled indefinitely. Good news for Joe Biden -- he gets some time off!
The President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, is being remembered as a man who liked to criticize the United States and everything it did. We should have made him an honorary citizen!
There's an online petition drive to get Kraft to remove the artificial coloring from their Macaroni and Cheese. Really? That's your life crisis?
These people apparently want their Mac and Cheese as nature intended -- fresh and picked right off the Macaroni bush.
Mexico and Canada's baseball teams got into a brawl at the World Baseball Classic. I'd like to think they were fighting over us.
There are hints that Apple will unveil two new iPhones this year. Giving you two chances to feel that you bought a new phone too soon.
What do you mean you've never experienced time travel? Last Sunday morning at 2am, you were suddenly transported to 3am! Enjoy your time here -- we'll travel back to our original time this fall.
I've just looked at my 7-day planner. Seems like a lot to go through, just to end back on Monday.
Just a suggestion--if we have to move the clock ahead an hour in the spring, instead of cutting into our weekend, why couldn't we do it on a Friday at 4pm?
North Korea says they're canceling the 1953 armistice that ended the Korean War. And, while they're at it, they also don't like Ike.
How could today possibly be an unlucky day -- outside of the fact there are two 13's in the date: 03-13-13.
Sarah Palin is writing a book in which she criticizes the over-commercialization of Christmas. Ironically, it'll go on sale in November. (I'm not making this up)
So, the NCAA basketball tournament is a week later this year... so it actually wraps up in April. March Madness in April? That's crazy!
There are two Lance Armstrong movies in the works. Too bad the title "Liar! Liar" was already taken. What about "Cyclo?"
The good news--there was black smoke seen coming from the chimney at the Vatican. The bad news--it smelled like burnt popcorn.
Pat Gorse just asked me if it was "Pope Secret?"
You know, that black smoke coming out of the chimney is pretty thick. I'm thinking they should switch to a hybrid chimney.
Maybe the Academy of Motion Pictures should consider this "black smoke/white smoke" thing in their voting for the Oscars next year. Nice way to get some attention.
I just looked and there's the black smoke again. Yep, the neighbor's started up that old junker of his...
The Conclave of Cardinals gathered at the Vatican not only have to exercise their faith and vote with the way the spirit tells them... but they must also resist temptation. I mean, just imagine the buzz you could create by sending pink smoke up the chimney. So tempting...
Wednesday's date--3-13-13--was a palindrome....not to be confused with a remote-controlled flying machine operated by Sarah Palin. No, that's a Palin drone.
Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina was elected pope on Wednesday. He had finished 2nd in the voting back in 2005, but that year he was voted Mr. Congeniality.
Kobe Bryant is out indefinitely with a severe ankle sprain. Some of his Lakers teammates, when passed the ball, said, "What the heck is this thing?"
Good luck to the new pontiff, Pope Francis. He's got a big hat to fill.
Today is the "Ides of March." A good day to avoid people named 'Brutus.'
It was on this date in back in 44 BC that Romans coined the phrase, "March Stabness."
Researchers in Switzerland say they've found "the God particle." Immediately, a group of atheists have asked to change the slogan on our money to "In particle we trust."
The particle is also known as a 'Higgs boson', which sounds like a character from "The Dukes of Hazard!"
A New York City dog has undergone emergency surgery to remove more than 100 pennies from his stomach. Apparently, the dog was quite smart---he could sit, beg, rollover….and now, could give change for a dollar.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE SURPRISES FROM THE CONCLAVE OF CARDINALS
New pope: Regis!
I don't know, it appears to be in Latin: I think they're saying, "Eeney, Meeney, Miney, Mo... "
All show up with St. Louis baseball caps
To hold us over, Vatican version of "Harlem Shake"
Black smoke indicates someone burned the popcorn again
THE FIVE CARDINALS WHO PROBABLY WILL NEVER BE ELECTED POPE
TOP FIVE LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT POPE FRANCIS THE FIRST
He prefers to take the bus and if that doesn't demonstrate faith, nothing does
He has only one lung. He feels two is gluttonous
His rapper name would be Po-Fran
He's hoping to have his own fragrance, "Pope Pourri"
He occasionally likes to go by his last name, "The First"