This Week's Wacks
Our 903rd Edition"
"In everyone's life, a little WACK must fall"
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March 29th, 2013

Whole Foods is looking into opening its own organic, whole health spa resort. Nothing says 'relaxing vacation' more than lying on the beach, sipping on a wheat grass Margarita.

A man in England has invented a car that runs on coffee. When you fill it up, the service station attendant would ask, "Do you need room for cream?"

The best part -- "It won't take bank, with Folgers in your tank!"

The girl group Girls Aloud announced they're breaking up. I feel bad, mostly because I didn't even know they were together.

I'm looking at my March Madness brackets. I've got so many wrong guesses, I'm now an honorary weather forecaster!

The Republican National Committee says it's going to spend $10 million to reach out to Hispanic, Asian, and African-American voters and try to get them to understand how wrong they've all been.

Best comment I heard at an auction last weekend: a woman was complimented on how good she looked and she replied, "Yeah, but I'm wearing six layers of Spanx!"

A line from Facebook--"Due to the increasing price of ammunition, don't expect a warning shot!'

Only two more hopping days left until Easter.

It's official: my March Madness brackets have busted so many times, they've just now passed Lindsay Lohan.

A company in North Carolina is selling a $60 IQ test that people can give their dogs. If you buy one, you won't need the human version.

Microsoft is claiming that 33% of the software in the world is counterfeit. Much like I feel like 96.5% of all statistics are made up.

If North Korea does attack the U.S., I'm just going to have to assume that there will suddenly be lots of available paved parking just north of South Korea, correct?

Santa comes down the chimney -- so, how does the Easter Bunny get in the house? Do I have to change my locks again?

General David Petraeus says he's sorry for his... (under your breath) affair that led to his... ... (regular voice) resignation.

A 33-year-old woman in Britain claims to have an allergic reaction to exercise. With me, I've noticed that beer makes my stomach swell. Must be allergies...

I had always thought that "Game of Thrones" was a good name for a reality show featuring a house with 20 people in it and only two bathrooms.

Seen online: "I fully support any couple's right to have a 50% chance at getting divorced."

Hugh Hefner says he's pretty sure that he slept with over a thousand different women. But enough about last week...

I keep getting these huge discount offers on a Carnival Cruise. Yes, it would be a great Easter gift, but I'm trying to think who I dislike that much.

In Kentucky, a teenager was arrested for falsely yelling "Bingo" in a Bingo hall.  When it comes to being a smart Aleck, you've got to know when it's OK to B-1. B-1?   BINGO!!!!

This is the weekend we go from the "Sweet 16" to the "Final Four."  Of course, I'm talking about Cadbury Eggs in our house.

The new Bentley Flying Spur comes out this summer, has a built-in chair massage feature for the driver and costs $200,000.  I guess if you have that much money, you can afford to drive around in a car where you have to tip your seat.

THE EASTER BUNNY'S FIVE FAVORITE THINGS

  1.     Favorite movie -- "The Hoppit"
  2.     Favorite 50s artist -- Bunny Holly
  3.     Favorite comedian -- Carrot Top
  4.     Favorite TV show -- "Starsky in Hutch"
  5.     Favorite musical -- "Hare"

THE EASTER BUNNY'S FIVE FAVORITE PLACES TO SHOP

  1.     J.C. Bunny's
  2.     Hare-Lee Davidson
  3.     Rabbit's Foot Locker
  4.     Sears and Roebuck-toothed
  5.     Rabbit Hole Foods

                                    Tim

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