This Week's Wacks
Our 906th Edition"
"A tough week to feel funny, but somehow we pulled through"
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April 19th, 2013

Gwyneth Paltrow tells an interviewer that she only smokes one cigarette a week. What's that make her? A two and a half pack a year smoker?

The Dodgers and Padres got into a bench-clearing last Thursday that resulted in broken collarbone for a Dodger pitcher. Everything was so out of control that the team snack-moms left without providing their after-game treats.

Even hockey players in the stands left the game, saying "This is too violent for me."

And in sports, the San Diego Padres beat the Dodgers. However, the Dodgers won the game.

A new study has found further evidence that humans may have a so-called "lazy" gene. The scientists would have found out more, but instead, they went and took a nap.

A new French study shows that men really have a hard time reading women's emotions. Why are you looking at me that way? See what I mean?

Word is that Microsoft is working on a Smart Watch. Once they get it running, they'll probably realize that they're way too late.

A new survey says that when it comes to honest hotel guests, Americans rank 23rd. Yeah, we pretty much threw in the towel... in the suitcase...

You know, everything changes. There will come a day when One Direction will try a second direction.

The new movie "42" was number one at the box office over the weekend. Ironically, the movie "One" has dropped to #42.

In the Chicago suburb of Crystal Lake, they're opening an alcohol-free bar. It's going to be featured in a new documentary called, "Pointless."

American Airlines grounded all of their jets yesterday. While they were at it, they changed their official slogan to "Something Special on the Ground."

By the way, went to the theater and so you know -- the movie "42" is NOT about Dolly Parton.

"Iron Man 3" will be the first movie shown in Japan in 4DX, which includes moving seats, plus fog, wind and odor effects in the theater. They say the experience is so engaging, you can almost not hear the phone ringing in the next row.

Billy Ray Cyrus isn't helping. He says he has doubts that his daughter Miley and Liam Hemsworth will ever make it down the aisle. If he's referring to 'down the aisle to pick up an Oscar', I would agree.

The secret to a happy life--avoid friends with sofa beds. Some day they will move.

You knew this was going to happen-a new study says we conduct way too many studies.

Budweiser is introducing new beer cans in the shape of a bow tie.  If you don't know what a bow tie is, go ask your grandfather.  After all, he's the one drinking Budweiser right now anyway……….

A brewery named Sankt Gallen is selling a beer brewed from elephant dung. I already didn't like dark beers….

I can just see walking into a bar and ordering a jumbo Jumbo.

They describe it as a "unique hand-crappedted beer."

I can hear the commercials now: "Less filling!"  "Tastes like S%*T!!!"


  1.     The dog ate my ambition
  2.     I'm already in shapeâ€"this shape!
  3.     I might audition for the lead role in the Kevin James story
  4.     If I lose too much weight, women will want me and I'm weak
  5.     I'll sweat and I can't afford the deodorant


  1.     She asks you try a new recipe but give her a one week start
  2.     That's the third scorpion I've found in a shoe this week
  3.     Your spouse has a spreadsheet of suggested divorce lawyers
  4.     You gave her a card commemorating the 5th anniversary of forgetting her birthday
  5.     You haven't seen what's-her-name in three weeks


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PSPS--There I go, sharing my feelings on my blog again
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