It turns out that an 84-year-old woman in Florida has won the $590 million Powerball lottery... or, as I like to call her: mom!
Domino's Pizza has released a YouTube video of the company delivering pizza by a drone. It would never be used as a weapon against you IF you give it a nice tip.
It's now actually possible for the pizza I ordered to accidentally end up in Afghanistan. Yay!
Ben and Jerry are going to come out with a new Seattle-inspired ice cream, once they figure out what rain tastes like.
Because the Miss World pageant is being held in Indonesia, a very Muslim country, bikinis have been banned. They only other option was to let contestants wear bikinis. However, they would have had to stone the winner.
Remember, be kind to the haters. Because that'll give them one more thing that ticks them off.
The good news about "Game of Thrones" -- it makes Chicago seem less violent.
I worry too much about the government spying on everything I do. At least, that's what the voice in the toaster told me this morning.
Hey, if the government is going to spy on us and our cell phones, can we at least punish the ones who use their phone in the movie theater?
A couple in New Jersey got married at the IKEA store where they met 8 years ago. They can now start putting their lives together, hopefully, without instructions.
The New England Patriots have signed quarterback Tim Tebow. Apparently, they felt they were getting too good.
At first, I was upset when I heard the government was going through all of my emails. Then I realized some poor federal employee was having to also go through all those forwarded emails from my Aunt Irma. Especially all those Maxine cartoons.
First, the I.R.S. was found targeting groups. Then, we found out the federal government was listening to all of our phone calls. Now we've just learned that the time Joe Biden was over -- he went through our medicine cabinet in the bathroom!
Lady Gaga served as a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding. Obviously, not a very attention-demanding bride.
A search continues for a naked woman in the forests of Washington state. They should find her, thanks to the 23,000 volunteers.
NASA has released video showing tornadoes on the sun. How bad would that be? You're staring at an oncoming tornado and it's too hot to go into the cellar.
A new study says that hands-free devices still distract drivers. I read that on my phone this morning while driving to work.
A Wendy's in Manitoba is offering "The T-Rex" -- a hamburger with 9 patties for $21.99. Interesting that they would name it after something that went extinct...
There were two bench-clearing brawls Tuesday night at the Diamondbacks/Dodgers game. The Dodgers beat the Diamondbacks... AND they won the game, 5-3.
It was the most hits the Dodgers had in one game all year.
New research shows that heading a soccer ball may injure your brain. Using my noggin' to head-butt something hasn't seemed like a good idea since that incident with my boss a few years ago…
The tabloids are reporting that Kanye West has been cheating on Kim Kardashian with a Canadian model. The NSA said, "Oh, we could have told you about that six emails and ten phone calls ago."
To me, it's admirable that our federal government is always striving to do the right thing whenever it gets caught.
Paris Hilton is working on another album…as foretold in the book of Revelations.
The new PlayStation 4 is going to allow gamers to record their gaming and share it with friends. And you dreaded home movies…
Amazon is going to start selling the Kindle in India, making it possible for millions of people to also not be able to read electronically.
TOP FIVE HINTS YOU'RE ABOUT TO HEAR A LONG STORY FROM DAD
"This tattoo? Well, I was in the navy... "
"Back in (insert year before you were born here)... "
"You know, during the war... "
"Now that your mother is gone... "
"You know, back when I was a kid... "
TOP FIVE FATHER'S DAY GIFTS TO CONSIDER
Last year's gift, rewrapped... just to see if he notices
A self-casting fishing pole (now we're talkin')
A fresh pair of white sox to go with those black shoes
Giving him all that mail you've collected over the years from his other children.