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June 28th, 2013

Miami won the NBA Championship for the second year in a row. Some people can't stand the heat. I tell them to stay out of the kitchen.

In Xalapa, Mexico, a cat named Morris is running for mayor. Makes sense. I'm guessing he couldn't be elected dog catcher.

A new restaurant in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. They're optional for men.

A new survey says that 70% are on at least one kind of prescription medication. That's a fun word to say: med-i-ca-tion. Dooba-dooba-dooba-dooba...

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their new baby girl North West. Probably about the only direction the kid will get from those two parents.

I suppose it could have been worse. Oh, wait. Worse is her middle name.

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West named their new baby girl North West. To be honest, I was hoping they would go in a different direction.

Brazil's President Dilma Rousseff called an emergency cabinet meeting as an estimated 1 million protesters marched through over 80 Brazilian cities. Wow, 80 Brazilian is a lot!

I'd just like to say 'hi' to all my friends at the NSA who haven't reviewed my phone calls lately.

A new report says that "self-driving cars are right around the corner. Oh my gosh, it's heading right for us." That's where the report ends.

Well, there goes Paula Deen's shot of someday hosting Black History Month.

In China, a panda has given birth to twins. Man, it was tough enough already telling them apart.

A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in breathalyzer that can tell you if you're drunk. However, if someone asks you for the time and you respond, "Beer-thirty," you don't even need to look.

Now a spokesperson for Paula Deen is saying she was talking about fashion and "didn't like nickers." Yeah, uh, right...

Congrats to daredevil Nik Wallenda, who successfully walked across a portion of the Grand Canyon in Arizona on a high-wire last weekend. What some people won't do to get out of paying admission.

Starbucks raised their coffee drink prices by 1% on Tuesday. In a related story, some water splashed out of the Pacific Ocean.

Sesame Street cut 10% of their staff due to budget cuts. This decision was brought to you by the word "red" and the number -10.

Paula Deen still doesn't get it. Today, she personally apologized to Jack Black.

Someone astutely noted that Stephen King's new TV series, "Under the Dome" is basically "The Simpsons Movie."

CNN is shutting down CNN radio. Beginning next Tuesday, their new slogan will be "This WAS CNN."

After yesterday's U.S. Supreme Court ruling, not only do the good guys always they can also get married!

My buddy Skip Tucker says that "Game of Thrones" reminds him a lot of Twitter. There are 140 characters, and bad things are constantly happening.

Now Wal-Mart has dropped Paula Deen. So it hasn't all been bad news.

A Florida man is being accused of stealing $2 million in merchandise from Toys R Us locations across the country. He's a mean one, that Mr. Grinch.

It does make one wonder why the institution of marriage has to be defended when there's a 50% divorce rate. Just sayin'.

I think the Paula Deen situation proves one thing -- never admit something you did 26 years ago.

So, President Obama is visiting Senegal because... there's a solution for our economic problems over there?

MTV has canceled the TV series, "Zach Stone is Gonna be Famous" which comes as a shock to me because I didn't even know it existed.

Kim Kardashian says she plans to drop 30 pounds in 30 days. Wow, the only way I could ever do that would be to quit my job. Oh... yeah... now I see how she's going to do it.

A new study says a majority of Americans hate their jobs. I'd tell you more, but I've got to get back to my letter where I'm telling off my boss.

Why is the U.S. government after Edward Snowden? Because he apparently had access to lots of secrets, including the fact that Kanye and Kim were going to name their daughter North West. To think, it could have been avoided.


  1.     Undera West
  2.     Nita West
  3.     Go West
  4.     Dist West
  5.     South West


  1.     Frank "The Bridge Player" Alono
  2.     "Mama's Boy" Morasco
  3.     Tony "Fart Fart" Fratoni
  4.     "The Cod Father"
  5.     "Squirt Gun" Kelly

Laugh a little, would ya?

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