Short week, short WACKS. Happy birthday, America! I'm getting you the same thing I got you last year!
PayPal has announced it will launch inter-planetary payments -- yes, a system for buying things in space. Because you're not spending enough on earth.
Great. Now I'm going to start getting more spam from space.
I feel left out. I think I'm going to hire Paula Deen just so I can fire her, too.
Phoenix is braced for anything from 115 to 120. I was the same way after taking my SAT.
The Girl Scouts announced that their pension plan has a $347 million deficit. Did anyone else know you could retire as a Girl Scout?
Scientists have discovered that men are genetically programed to look at other women. I'll let you run that one by at home first. Let me know how it works.
Hulk Hogan's daughter, Brooke got engaged in Las Vegas over the weekend to Dallas Cowboys center Phil Costa. Imagine those family gatherings where your father-in-law says, "Wrestle you for that last piece of turkey!" and he probably means it!
Rumor has it that Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are talking marriage. Didn't I see this episode on "That 70s Show?"
I've been trying one of those stand up sailboards. If I get just a little bit better, I may actually go try it out on the water!
A porn company has made a six-figure offer to Paula Deen. The heat affects people in different ways.
NBC has announced a sequel to "The Bible" mini-series. Were there some follow-up books I wasn't aware of?
Travel + Leisure Magazine has named San Francisco the snobbiest city in America. A spokesman for the city had no comment as he looked down on us.
A man in Wisconsin has pleaded guilty to having sex with a couch. I'm wondering who talked? Was the davenport jealous?
The Postal Service is celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the Zip Code. That innovation designed to speed up the mail. You know what really speeds up mail? Sending an email instead.
An Italian neuroscientist says that the technology now exists for the first human head transplant. So, who wants to go first?
A funeral home in Virginia added a drive-thru window….for those who would like to express their grief on their way to working out.
It would only be a matter of time before someone would say, "He looks so natural…Oh and I'd like an order of fries!"
Had a nice time celebrating the 4th of July and honoring our forefathers. If we honored our three fathers, it would have turned into "Mama Mia."
Marie Osmond's talk show on the Hallmark Channel is history. Ironically, the Osmond Special on the History Channel is now available as a Hallmark card.
TOP FIVE ROUGH DRAFTS OF FAMOUS PATRIOTIC QUOTES
"Give me Liberty... or I'll sue!"
"Men were born to be free... so I shouldn't have to pay the cover charge"!
"Don't give up the ship... unless you get seasick easily"
"I regret that... uh, HE only has one life to give to his country"
"We are all one people... except for those folks over there!"
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE FIREWORKS YOU SHOT OFF ON THE 4TH OF JULY WEREN'T THAT SAFE & SANE
North Korea just surrendered to you
Warning on each one said, "Use only in war"
Someone from the Army asked, "Where'd you get THOSE?"
I wonder if the neighbors will notice their house is gone when they get back?
When did you dig that giant hole in your front yard?