This Week's Wacks
Our 920th Edition"
"I keep seeing signs in the grocery store, saying 'Manager's Specilial.'  I know the guy.  No he isn't!."
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July 26th, 2013

The city of Detroit has become the largest U.S. city to file for bankruptcy. A good friend of mine used to always say, there's no problem too big that you can't run away from it.

Yep, the Motor City has thrown a rod.

There was a guy caught on the Mexican border with $128,000 in his socks. He was either running drugs or has the world's most expensive odor eaters.

Once the baby is born, Prince William plans to take two weeks paternity leave from whatever it is he does. You'd think the temp agency would have a pretty easy time coming up with someone to fill in for him.

Monday was "Labor Day" in England. Yep, Kate Middleton finally went into labor.

She's giving birth to the third in line for the throne. The only time that's a big deal is if you're talking about the royal family or a crowded men's room during halftime at a football game.

Remember, if you want to be completely accurate, it's "the Duchess went into labour."

In the dinner that is the royal family, Kate Middleton has provided an heir for their soup.

The new prince weight in at 6 pounds, 8-penny. I'm sorry, 8-ounces.

Mama June says that Honey Boo Boo is too busy to enter any more beauty pageants. Did I really just say that?

A group of researchers are claiming they have discovered the long-lost palace of King David, while other archeologists are calling it a "Goliath mistake."

Detroit is #1 when it comes to gluten-free eating...which makes me wonder, if they ate more gluten, could they have avoided bankruptcy?

A Utah senator proposed a bill that would no longer require kids to go to school. That ought to solve America's over-education problem.

For laughs, maybe Will and Kate could name their new child 'Prince.' Prince Prince. His royal rap name could be 'Double-P.'

A new report says that Audis are more likely to be driven by men who cheat on their wives. I would have thought that would be true about guys who own a Dodge Unfaithful.

Being born at 4:24pm Monday made the new royal baby a "Cancer," by minutes. Good information for the future for the royal horoscope reader.

It sounds like today is going to be too hot to complain about the weather.

I can't decide if Anthony Weiner's wife is show us how forgiving she can be or how ambitious she is.

It's obvious that Anthony Weiner's wife doesn't always stand by him or, otherwise, she'd be in some of those sext messages.

The royal baby is still without a name. For now, you can just call him "The Fresh Prince of Anonymous."

The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge have named their son George Alexander Louis. is it just me, or does that sound like a "Seinfeld" reunion? If only they had named him George Alexander Louis-Dreyfus.

Edward Snowden has been allowed to leave the Russian airport. A man can only survive on souvenir stand food for so long.

Seattle was just named the hardest-working city in the U.S. based on criteria like hours worked, lack of sleep and commute time. You're surprised it's the home of Starbucks?

By the way -- I'm tired.

Will and Kate's new baby is third in line to the throne.  And you thought the lines at Disneyland take foreverů.

According to a new study, lying gets easier over time.  Now you'll have to decide if you believe me.

I think it would be funny if Anthony Weiner lost in the New York City mayor's race to write-in candidate, Carlos Danger.

Britain went into a brief panic today, following the birth of the new prince and the announcement of his name.  The entire country realized they didn't have anything to bet on!!!

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU MAY BE BURNED OUT

  1.     You've gone home every day this week but keep forgetting to change clothes
  2.     You didn't just park in the boss's spot---you parked on the boss
  3.     Your imaginary office mate is really getting on your nerves
  4.     You sat at your desk and stared out the window right through the weekend
  5.     Apathy is running amok and you don't care

TOP FIVE THAT GURU IS PROBABLY NOT THE ENLIGHTENED ONE

  1.     His motto: "Money is worthless. Let me throw it away for you."
  2.     Ritualistic ass grab instead of hand-shaking
  3.     Instead of "ommmm" he keeps belching
  4.     All his personal assistants are wearing hot pants
  5.     License plate on Rolls Royce actually says "NOTTHE1"

Laugh a little, would ya?
                                    Tim

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