This Week's Wacks
Our 922nd Edition
"The worst part about fine print is that it's too fine"
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August 9th, 2013
A Viet Nam vet in New Jersey has written a letter to President Obama every day since he was re-elected. Can you believe that? Someone is still writing letters?
It's meant he's been given a lot of scrutiny from family and friends, but he's also received a "Thanks for keeping us alive" bouquet from the Post Office.
Simon Cowell is going to have a baby with the soon-to-be ex-wife of his best friend. Can you believe that? Simon Cowell has a friend?
Researchers say we're getting closer and closer to the days of flying cars, which of course, will take texting to a whole new level.
President Obama's 52nd birthday was yesterday. To be honest, I had hoped he would be a great president so we could get another 3-day weekend in August. But my hopes are fading.
Scientists served a hamburger with meat created entirely in the laboratory to two volunteers yesterday.
One of the scientists asked, "Would you like some artificial fries with that?"
One of the subjects tasted the fake meat and said, "Budubup-pup-pa... I'm lovin' it!'
Albert Brooks says that Alex Rodriguez has already started taking a lot of anti-suspension drugs.
Major League Baseball gave Alex Rodriguez a 211-game suspension and even tossed in a couple of Tour de France titles just so they could take them away.
Ryan Seacrest is heading to NBC to host a new game show, "The Million Second Quiz." That's what my TV was missing---not enough Ryan Seacrest!
Former President George W. Bush underwent heart surgery Tuesday, to insert a stent and fix a blocked artery. His former Vice-President, Dick Cheney, used the occasion to recommend one of those artificial ones, like the heart he stole from the Tin Man.
You know, with Facebook, Twitter and social media outlets, it's easier than ever to find people who have absolutely no interest in coming to your high school reunion.
Radio buddy Bruce Murdock saw that Robin Thicke claims to have spent half a million dollars on marijuana last year. Obviously, explaining why the lines were blurred.
Just remember, every email you take the time to send to us is read---if not by me, by the NSA.
Good news for the mayor of San Diego. No new women have come forwarded with allegations about him in the last 29 minutes.
At the Yankees game in Chicago Tuesday night, Alex Rodriguez was hit by a pitch. Fortunately, he didn't get too mad and turn green.
Wow, the Teen Choice Awards are coming up and I'm so unprepared. I didn't know we got to choose any!
3 people will split the $448-million Powerball jackpot. I can only hope one is a relative.
President Obama made an appearance on the Zillow website the other day, to calm fears about the economy and to remind me that my home is worth less.
One of the last surviving Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz has died. Margaret Pellegrini, who was 89, passed away in Phoenix. Donations can be made to the Munchkin Fund, but they're asking that you only write a check if you're a little short.
Of course, since they happen in three's, this means 2/3's of another celebrity will probably die.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE READY FOR THE FOOTBALL SEASON
- In chair. Remote in hand. Just waiting.
- That 105-inch television says it all
- In church, you ask if it's almost halftime
- You dropped your fork and yelled, "Fumble!"
- You've already had your traditional "Burn the Cubs Jerseys" bonfire
DISCOVERY CHANNEL'S FIVE MOST POPULAR SHOWS DURING "SHARK WEEK"
- "Underwater Boss"
- "Hawaii Five Oh-Oh"
- "Shark Tank"
- "Extreme Munch Over"
- "How I Attacked Your Mother"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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