I just got back from a two week vacation in Norway. I was trying to think of what I could get as a souvenir that wouldn't cost a fortune and that I would have enough for everyone. Then it hit me -- a head cold!
Buddy Matt Case has announced he's holding cheerleader tryouts for his fantasy football team.
Justin Timberlake says he would love to be "The Riddler" in a future movie. Yeah, right -- that would be like Ben Affleck playing the... oh, yeah...
The phrase "Feed a cold and starve a fever" is the major reason I never get a fever.
Dakota Johnson and Charlie Hunnam have been chosen to star in the movie "50 Shades of Grey." They're described as "an unbeatable combination." Wait, that's not good.
I hope Charlie does a good enough job on this role to win an Oscar. I can see him going up on the big night and saying, "I'd just like to spank everyone for this award!"
Just to add some excitement, we're going to attempt doing this morning's entire show without a shark cage!
CBS and Time-Warner have finally come to an agreement. Plans have been canceled for the new TV show, "How I met your Dish Satellite Guy."
Burger King has introduced a "French Fry Burger" -- a hamburger with the fries in it, so you don't have to waste valuable calories reaching into a separate bag.
Aw, the beginning of the school year. When we are all reminded of the three R's -- Readin', Ritin' and Renegotiatin'.
Never forget. Act like you know what I'm talking about, so they won't realize we did.
Someone said it: "I don't want to date every woman in the world. All of George Clooney's ex's would be plenty."
Fans of the book, "50 Shades of Grey" are said to be upset about the choices for the main characters in the movie version. One person called the decisions "abusive" and he used the safe word, "recast."
"Star Wars" creator George Lucas recently invested $10-million in Starbucks. Yep, he walked into a store and yelled out, "I'm buyin' the next round!"
A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don't have even a basic knowledge of finances. 9 out of every 7 says it's because they're bad with math.
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE COLLEGE YOU'RE ATTENDING MAY NOT BE ACCREDITED
Diplomas are awarded out in the parking lot, after sunset
Inside Textbooks are the words, "Stolen from city library"
They offer a four-year degree in Undecided-ology
Your teacher, Professor Bunny, should have been a big clue
Board certified by the Board of Certified Board Certifiers
TOP FIVE INDICATIONS YOU'RE A MAJOR COLLEGE FOOTBALL FAN
Your fight song phone ring -- all 16 verses of the song!
Picking your nose with a giant foam hand
The goalposts next to your laundry hamper (actually, I like that idea)