The world is changing so quickly. These days, even similarities are different.
Hips don't lie. When they start to go, they'll let you know.
The postal service says it needs an emergency rate hike, that it's running out of money. And you want the government to handle health care?
Another Emmy Awards has come and gone. I think they're almost over.
The face value of tickets to this year's Super Bowl will be as high as $2,600. Even the scalpers are saying, "Oh, that's WAY too much!"
The person who won that $400-million Powerball jackpot last week has asked to remain anonymous. Like that's going to keep me from claiming they're a relative.....
A show on plants on the Discovery Channel said that plants have a way of signaling danger to each other. To be honest, when I mowed the lawn this summer, I always felt it was talking about me.
Scientists here in California have discovered a rare species of legless lizards. That's gotta be up there with non-swimming fish.
Former Vice-President Dick Cheney was on an antelope hunt in Wyoming Saturday when his gun jammed. Somewhere, there is a herd of antelope, laughing their horns off.
I guess it was fortunate for the antelope, none of them were attorneys.
President Obama addressed the U.S. General Assembly on Tuesday, or as Joe Biden calls it, the "un-assembly."
... and the voice on the phone said, "Press 1 for English. Otherwise, press 2." Uh, if I don't understand English, I'm not going to know what to do. Hello?
I hear work has started on a sequel to "Dumb and Dumber." It's going to be called, "Dumb, Dumber and Miley."
... about as likely as Vladimir Putin watching "Behind the Candleabra."
There's a new movie coming out about kids who have to have the latest everything, "Breaking Dad."
Simon Cowell has announced that he won't watch his baby's birth. During the latest ultrasound, the baby held up a sign that said he'll never watch X-Factor. Fair trade.
How is it that we can keep Senator Ted Cruz on the Senate floor, but we can't keep clothes on Miley Cyrus?
Someone has been running around Salem, Oregon, stuffing $100 into random products in stores-candy bars, boxes of cookies, etc. So far, over $2,000 has been found. All I can say is, I hope they vacation here some day.
Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. Then there are those of us who have put it off indefinitely.
Miley Cyrus went skydiving for the first time. Because she had the parachute on, it provided very rare footage of Miley actually wearing something.
Home Depot just announced that that it will cut health insurance for its part-time workers because of Obamacare. This explains the new slogan on their aprons, "Get it yourself!"
Miley Cyrus has released a Director's Cut of her "Wrecking Ball" video. Yeah, that's what was missing in my life.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR FAVORITE BASEBALL TEAM DIDN'T MAKE THE PLAYOFFS
Right next to player in on-deck circle -- his suitcase!
Batboy telling players, "Get it yourself!"
Number 20 has a new "See you next spring" tattoo
Guy rounding third was told to home... and he headed for his car
Manager on phone, not with bullpen, but with travel agent