The president of Barilla Pasta is apologizing, after he said that gay consumers who disagreed with his attitude on gays were welcome to enjoy a different brand of pasta. He plans to stay in hot water until he reaches al dente.
Here's what you missed on the last episode of "The X Factor." (pause) OK, back to the show!
The initial inspection for chemical weapons in Syria is supposed to be done by tomorrow, the same day that Obamacare kicks in here in the U.S.. Coincidence? Actually, yes.
Due to the storm, there are now 5,000 people without power in Seattle... if you don't include the Seattle Mariners.
The biggest question about a possible government shutdown -- will we even notice?
The bad news -- Walt Disney is back as a zombie! The good news -- he's heading straight for Miley Cyrus!
O.J. Simpson was busted for stealing cookies from the prison cafeteria. Simpson said he didn't do it and blamed the crumbs on Kato Kaelin.
The number one movie over the weekend was "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2." The least viewed movie was the documentary about the government, "Inefficient with a chance of shutting down."
I'm not going to say anything about the "Breaking Bad" finale, but I heard it had good chemistry.
Tuesday was the first day of October, which of course, meant it's time for Costco to get out those Valentine's Day decorations.
You know, if I had a car that would only go left or right and never forward, I would get rid of it.
Hard for me to believe that a political party would say, "Hey, let's do what Newt Gingrich did 17 years ago! It worked for him!"
It's around now that I'm very grateful congress is not in charge of Christmas.
A new study claims time it takes to go through a drive-in window has increased over the years. I don't think this is what they had in mind when they said, "Slow down on those fast foods."
Hey, Miley! Can you and that wrecking ball of yours swing by congress?
The TV show "Cops" is going to get a new name, as they try to appeal to younger demographics. It's going to be called, "How I met your mugger."
I'm really opposed to this government shutdown. Lawmakers should get off their butts and get back to not doing anything!
Vanilla Ice is mocking Miley Cyrus's new foot tattoos. Just a classic case of the irrelevant making fun of the over-exposed.
The U.S. government has officially shut down. Today, Dr. Evil filed for unemployment.
There's the new movie, "Mr. Smith goes to Washington and everything's closed."
A long lost Three Stooges short film was found in Australia, as foretold in the book of Revelations. Somewhere, someone is saying "Dang, I thought I hid it better than that!"
When asked if they were certain it was an authentic Three Stooges movie, a spokesman said, "Sointenly! Nyuk. Nyuk. Nyuk."
A study says that people need mobile devices for social inclusion. At least, that's what Tom texted me a couple of minutes ago. Oh, he didn't text you?
A zombie survival store has opened in Florida. They have everything, including copies of the best-seller, "How to tell a zombie from a retiree."
It took a long time, but Scotland Yard is finally going metric. From now on, it'll be known as "Scotland .91 meters."
Congress couldn't come to an agreement and so they shut the government down. To top things off, today's Snack Mom forgot the treats.
This government shutdown is really taking its toll. I understand that at Yellowstone Park, even Old Faithful has been flirting with some old geyser.
The government shutdown continues and congress does nothing. Sure, last week they were doing nothing, too, but at least they were working at doing nothing.
Since they shut down the government, I think every Senator and Congressperson should be sent to the oval office and told to sit in the corner. That'll keep 'em busy….
Casey Kasem is said to be in failing health and his kids say they're not being allowed to see him. Now, back to the countdown…
Slumping while using a tablet or Smartphone is a phenomena being called "iPosture." Or in my case, MYposture.
Weird. Ever since the government shut down, it feels like no one is reading my emails and bank statements anymore. Yes we are. Oh, nevermind.
So, with the government shut down, do you think that includes the NSA? Or is reading all my Facebook posts considered "essential?"
How much outrage were you feeling about the government shutdown? Now, replace the word "government" with "NFL football." Yeah, we have messed up priorities.
A court has rejected former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky's request for a new trial….even after he offered them candy…
TOP FIVE HINTS THAT E-MAIL IS PROBABLY JUST SPAM
The offer for a free iPud was dead giveaway
Do you really think Barack Obama would ask you to send money to Albania?
That African Prince sent me the same letter last month, so I already won!
Winner usually has less than 14 n's in it
Your virus detector burst out laughing
TOP FIVE EARLY FORMS OF FAMOUS SAYINGS
"A bird in the hand will probably crap"
"A penny saved is worth one cent"
"You have to get up pretty early in the morning to get out of bed"