I'm watching the baseball playoffs and saw Detroit's Prince Fielder. The guy's so big, he could be mistaken for another team!
This government shutdown begs the question: do they sell congress insurance?
A new study says 5-billion people will be using mobile phones by the year 2017. The really bad news: over your lifetime, 4.5-milliion of them will be on their phones behind you in a movie theater.
I have to admit -- the Republicans are doing a fantastic job of convincing me to never vote for one again.
They're tracking tropical storm Karen in the south, while up in Washington, D.C., there's absolutely no carin' going on.
From sports buddy Dwight Perry: So who would've ever guessed that the U.S. government would cease operations before the WNBA did?
For the non-essential government employees sent home during the shutdown, I don't know what's worse -- being sent home or realizing that everyone feels you're non-essential.
Wow, we've reached the point where we don't know who's gone further off the deepend -- Miley Cyrus or Congress.
There's been an increasing problem of people selling counterfeit tickets to Disneyland on Craigslist. To make matters worse, when they arrived at the park hoping to see Goofy, they only met someone who was mildly off.
This was opening weekend for the movie, "Gravity"... that natural force that, someday, Miley Cyrus will have to deal with.
Pizza Hut is coming out with a pizza that has a three cheese crust. So, cheese, on the top, cheese in the crust... couldn't you just eat cheese?
It's now officially against the law to eat roadkill in Montana. Try and stop me.
83% of the federal government is still functioning, even after the government shutdown. We can't even stop working right!
Everyone's making such a fuss over Sinead O'Connor's open letter to Miley Cyrus. Wow -- someone I don't like criticizing someone I don't care about.
The New York City opera has shut down and filed for bankruptcy. Ironically, the fat lady was just getting ready to sing.
In Ohio, a drunk man with a 666 tattoo on his forehead was arrested for urinating inside a burrito shop. I'm shocked -- I had no idea Ohio had burrito shops.
The federal government shutdown is costing $300-million a day. The good news -- that's less than congress and the president were spending each day before the shutdown!!!
Michelle Bachman said in a speech that President Obama's policy is proof of "End Times." She must be referring to the Republican party.
I prefer to keep up with the Kardashians like I do most of my friends -- through their annual Christmas letter.
The new $100 bill went into circulation Tuesday. The colors are brighter, Ben Franklin is bigger and it now says at the bottom, "Good for one gallon of gas."
Actually, what I like most about the new bill -- no Miley Cyrus, anywhere!
At least with the government shutdown, Washington, D.C. has an excuse for the condition of the football field at RFK stadium.
If you'd like to get a very expensive new phone, HTC is offer limited editions of their "One" phone made out of gold... for $4,416. As if I don't worry about losing my phone enough...
"Gravity" is now the number one movie in America, besides being the number one enemy of actresses.
A man in Montana says the U.S. Treasury has reimbursed him after his dog ate $500 dollars in cash. The guy eventually did get the money back... but, as you can imagine, no one would take it.
I'm curious -- If we're paying folks to guard national parks to keep people out during the government shutdown, why don't we just pay them to keep the parks open?
Zombies eat brains, right? I guess this explains why you never see any in Washington, D.C.
President Obama's approval rating has dropped to just 37%. Although, to be honest, that's 37 points higher than congress.
There's another push to change the name of the Washington Redskins. Washington State would like the "Washington" dropped... with the recent government shutdown, it's giving their state a bad name. Maybe the Maryland Redskins?
Researchers are now saying that Sprite is the best cure for a hangover. Of course, these are researchers from Coca Cola, who own Sprite.
President Obama says that a U.S. default on its debt would trigger "chaos." Gee, just when things were going so well...
A New York school has banned children from playing with balls or playing tag during recess. They've also been ordered to call "Hide 'n Seek" by the more proper name, "Hide 'n Muslim." Not to offend the Sikhs.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE OFF
Can't get enough Miley Cyrus
You tried to suck the air out of your boss's tires
The voices in your head are telling you to shut up