This Week's Wacks
Our 931st Edition
"Just another fog in October Day!"
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October 25th , 2013
We're exactly two months away from Christmas!
Instead of letting the old congress raise the debt ceiling, wouldn't it be cheaper to just get a new congress?
A new poll says 17% of Americans feel this country is headed in the right direction. Did I mention that the 17% are all members of a cliff jumping club?
Researchers are in the process of creating an underwater Wi-Fi network... for those who miss Facebook too much while swimming.
Dick Cheney says he feared assassination by hackers shutting off his heart device while he was Vice President. Right now, there are hackers out there going, "Shoot! Why didn't we think of that?"
Pope Francis is selling his Harley Davidson motorcycle to raise money for the homeless. If nothing else, now we know that guy at Sturgis with the really tall helmet WAS him.
One of the tabloids is claiming that the reason Kris and Bruce Jenner are getting divorced is because Bruce wants to become a woman. Looking at recent photos, I thought he already had.
There's a new watch out called the Tikka that claims to be able to count down the time of death of the wearer... which could give you something to look forward to, the next time you go to a Tyler Perry Madea movie.
Anthony Weiner said that if the Internet hadn't been invented, he would probably be mayor of New York right now. And if a time machine was invented, we'd probably go back and make sure that didn't happen.
Dick Cheney told an interview that he was afraid he was going to be assassinated when he was vice-president. And, ladies and gentlemen, THAT'S what he had in common with the American people.
What I like most about the Starbucks Gold Card is that after buying a certain number of beverages, they give you a free drink... just to remind you how much you're actually wasting on overpriced coffee.
Uruguay has announced it's going to start selling marijuana for $1 a gram. Have it Uruguay!
By the way, Uruguay is Spanish for Colorado... which happens to be Spanish for Seattle.
The Washington Redskins have still not changed their name... but Washington, D.C. has now made getting a sunburn a hate crime.
Dolly Parton is home resting comfortably after being in a car accident. It was described as a "fender bender," but the air bags did start to deploy before they said, "Oh, why bother?"
A new study claims that first-born kids are the smartest of the bunch. To show just how smart I really am, I'm not going to bring that up to my two younger sisters.
Scientists say that all mammals take 21 seconds to pee. Well, that explains that weirdo running around with the stopwatch.
A study says that older people who sleep less have a better chance at developing Alzheimer's disease. I guess it's at least nice to know I'll get something for being continuously tired.
Facebook was actually down for a couple of hours on Monday. I guess I owe Windows 8.1 another apology.
Facebook has lifted its ban on videos showing human decapitation. That seems a little extreme, except of course for those people who continue to ask me to play Farmville.
A new study claims that today's college graduates won't be able to retire until age 73. Wow, that soon?
Ironically, all this arguing over the health care system is making me sick.
The yacht of bankrupt singer Wayne Newton sank in a Lake Mead marina. Everybody sing: "Dat's a shame, darling, dat's a shame……"
Actor Corey Feldman says in his new book that his personal life was such a mess, he turned to Michael Jackson for guidance. That's like asking Miley Cyrus for advice on how to be shy.
A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. And I gave up whale blubber for this?
TOP FIVE MOST UNSUCCESSFUL DR. SUESS BOOKS
- "The Cat in the Spanx"
- "The Lor ExLax"
- "How the Grinch shut down the Government"
- "Sneetches in the NSA"
- "G.M.O. Green Eggs and Spam"
TOP FIVE REASONS KANYE WEST PROPOSED TO KIM KARDASHIAN
- He figured if her mom Kris and Bruce Jenner could make it... uh, oh.
- Just trying to keep up with the Kardashians
- He figured if Lamar Odom and Khloe could make it... uh... oh...
- They're both madly in love... with Kim
- So he could have more of a say on the name of the next kid
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--We weren't buddy-buddies, but I had met him. Details on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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