This Week's Wacks
Our 932nd Edition
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November 1st, 2013

A report says the NSA spied on 124 Billion phone calls during a one month period. And that was just in movie theaters!

A survey says that more middle class Americans are planning to work until they die. On the bright side, it does make figuring out retirement a lot easier.

Kim Kardashian says she is the "luckiest girl in the world." True, I suppose, if you don't include Bruce Jenner.

OK, time travel officially sucks. I just enjoyed a two-week vacation in the 70s and it feels like I never left.

America's favorite Halloween candy? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. The least favorite? Broccoli and Cauliflower Skittles.

I try to be optimistic, but I don't think it works.

I tried Ambien without much success. As soon as I'm successful, I'll try it again.

Miley Cyrus has announced she's going on tour in 2014. If she's looking for a title, how about "Spreadin' the misery!"?

According to a new survey, one in four people name their car. Then there are the few of us also have their floor mats monogrammed.

I've been watching the World Series and have one question -- when did Boston pick up all those Amish guys?

The tallest man in the world, Turkey's Sultan Kosen, got married over the weekend. He stands 8-foot 3-inches tall. He also has the Guinness Book of World Records for number of times being asked, "Do you play basketball?"

Keith Urban says he enjoys "sexting" with his wife, Nicole Kidman. Understandable.

A new study shows that 9 in 10 workers who are age 50 or older say they are very or somewhat satisfied with their job. While they are at it, they'd also like to request that you stay off their lawns.

Let me get this straight -- did the Jonas brothers quit being brothers, or just broke up the group?

A new poll says that the majority of New Jersey voters feel that Governor Christie should run in 2016. If so, he better start by getting in a few walks.

Our foreign allies are really ticked that we've been spying on them all these years. Of course, we know that because we spied on them.

AMC has renewed "The Walking Dead." A literal no-brainer.

Now we find out that getting sick because of stress caused by a malfunctioning website is not covered by Obamacare. It's all becoming clear.

One poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Until they run out. Then it's Sucrets!

The bearded boys of Boston won the World Series.  Now, with baseball done for the season, they can get back to shooting more episodes of "Duck Dynasty."

I'll bet the Amish would have been excited to see all those beards on the Boston team.  Unfortunately, they would have needed a TV to do that.

In Baltimore, a man was arrested after dining and dashing at area restaurants over 90 times, shattering my old record back in college.

Time to get out there and hit those after-Halloween sales.

Several witches say they tried to get through on the Obamacare web site and couldn't.  In a related story, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius is now a toad.

Dr. Conrad Murray is out of prison and asking for his doctor's license back.  Absolutely, as soon as you give us Michael Jackson back.

A report says that Facebook can predict when couples will break up.  For that matter, so can a packed suitcase out on the front lawn.


  1.     Your blood sugar is now sugar blood
  2.     You received a personal thank you from Bob Hershey
  3.     You've got Skittle hands
  4.     Almond Joys no longer make you happy
  5.     You've got enough Snickers wrappers to heat a small home


  1.     "Poltergassed"
  2.     "Frankenstein Retires"
  3.     "Dracula's Plumber" 
  4.     "Night of the Living Bra"
  5.     "Werewolf Blitzer"

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Something for the zombie apocalypse on my Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--Halloween memories and me as a 3-year-old trick or treater, on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack