This Week's Wacks
Our 934th Edition
"If you only knew what I went through"
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November 28th, 2013

Editor's note--This has been a challenging week in the land of computers. Windows 8 greeted me a week ago with a black screen which eventually turned into wiping the hard drive clean and starting over.  I've spent every spare hour reconstructing what I had, which prevented last week's Wacky Week from going out.
But I've managed to climb back to almost where I was.  For that, I'm thankful.  Where's the turkey?
The good news is this jumbo edition of Wacky Week.  Thanks for being there for me and here's to many more laughs in the years to come.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                Tim

A new poll puts the approval rating of Congress at a record low 9%. I'm surprised, too.  I had no idea it was that high.

Justin Timberlake has said in an interview that he is not "cool."  That's so cool.

A Francis Bacon painting has sold for a record $142.4 Million.  I'm going to assume that's a "Francis Bacon" painting….not a Francis "Bacon Painting."  Although, I love bacon…..

Matt Case tells me that he's boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.

Last week, Prince Charles turned 65, the age most people retire.  Yet, he hasn't even started working!

I'll consider a Playstation 4 or an Xbox One right after I master this Atari thing I've been working on for a couple of decades.

I'm going to say the same thing today I say on Friday-"I'm ready for the weekend!"

Good news from the White House today: President Obama announced that if you like your Rug Doctor, you can keep your Rug Doctor.

New York City hasn't had a drop of rain since Labor Day.  The good news-no one has to put up with the smell of wet mugger.

Dick Cheney's daughters have gotten into a public squabble over gay marriage. Dick promises to take the losing daughter hunting. Tough love.

Oxford Dictionaries have identified their "Word of the Year" for 2013. It's "selfie." I even have a picture of myself with that word.

Leah Remini was sent home packing last week on "Dancing with the Stars." That applause you heard -- Scientolgists!

A company is marketing a "marry yourself" wedding in a box that contains a ring, vows and an affirmation card. I'd consider it, but I'm so afraid of rejection.

A company has invented what they are calling the world's first vegan condom. To me, if you're having to cut out meat while having sex, I'm pretty sure you're doing it wrong.

Great -- smartwatches. Now I have to add another word to my spellchecker.

I don't have a lot of confidence in taking pictures of myself, so I went out and bought a selfie-improvement book.

Doctors say that Casey Kasem is hanging in there. And now, back to the countdown.

Kobe Bryant says he's been practicing and hopes to rejoin his team, the Lakers, later this month. Then again, how hard is it to practice not passing the ball?

Kanye West says he is "past President Obama" and will not think of him anymore. Sounds like someone was trying to sign up for Obamacare.

A study finds that cheating students are more likely to want government jobs. So, remember boys and girls: study and get good grades, or you could end up in congress!

Famous psychic Sylvia Browne has died at the age of 77. You have to wonder if she saw that coming.

What's Toronto Mayor Rob Ford going to do now? My guess is, run for a higher office.

A poll says that Mitt Romney would beat President Obama if the election were held this month. Obviously, he does quite well among voters who are running a year behind.

Butterball says there's going to be a turkey shortage this year, but it's OK, since half of America will be out shopping instead of at home eating.

They were going to make a sequel to "It's a Wonderful Life," but unfortunately, the producer asked Uncle Billy to hold the money.

Mick Jagger is going to be a great-grandfather. I'm waiting for Maroon 5 to do the song, "The moves like Great-Grandpa."

The cost of electricity hit a record high in October, 42% higher than it was a decade ago. And you wanted a plug-in car to save money...

A study says that people who chew more tend to eat less. So when you dry out your turkey, you're actually doing your guests a favor!

Three of Willie Nelson's band members were injured in a bus crash in Texas. Fortunately for Willie, he was floating above the bus at the time.

Parents in Green Bay have named their new son, "Aaron Rodger Dryer." It was between that and "Cheesehead Packer-Lover Dryer."

I do find it interesting that the Dow Jones hit 16,000 before the number of signups on Obamacare.

The Norwegian Army is giving up meat on Monday in order to help the environment. Perfect -- now we know which day to invade.

The widow of Rodney Dangerfield says that she keeps a bottle of his sweat in the refrigerator. No re-sweat. No re-sweat at all!

A German study has identified five different types of boredom. Yep, there are four more, besides this show.

Al Gore has gone vegan. You can imagine the relief of his pet turkey.

Another reason to be thankful on Thursday -- Miley Cyrus isn't scheduled to perform anywhere.

The Lakers have signed Kobe Bryant to a two-year contract extension. How could he pass? If you played with him, you'd know he doesn't.

TOP FIVE THINGS YOU PROBABLY WON'T HEAR ON THANKSGIVING DAY

  1.     "Cranberry fight!!!!"
  2.     "That's a pretty big turkey. No way are we going to finish all that!"
  3.     "I wish there was football on TV"
  4.     "I hate elastic waist pants"
  5.     "I'm still hungry"

FIVE THINGS THE PILGRIMS DID TO PASS THE TIME WHILE WAITING OUT IN THE MASSACHUSETTS HARBOR

  1.     Organized a Fantasy Who Survives league
  2.     Tell the joke: "Knock! Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's still me!"
  3.     Hide 'n Go to the other end of the ship
  4.     Group sing of "Row, row, row your boat"
  5.     Spinneth the bottle

TOP FIVE THINGS THEY NEED TO INVENT FOR THANKSGIVING

  1.     Remote-controlled elastic waist pants
  2.     Cranberry potato gravy (so you just have to shovel it in)
  3.     The Thanksgiving Sale Clone (so it can shop and you can stay home)
  4.     The leftover Spaminator (that turns leftovers into delicious holiday Spam)
  5.     Extra stomach storage space (like an extra hard drive on your computer, but for your stomach)

Laugh a little, would ya?
                                    Tim

PS--What do people with lots of spare time do?  You'll see on this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--Baring my Thanksgiving soul, times two, on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
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