This Week's Wacks
Our 936th Edition
"Less than two weeks to go--but enough about the limit on my credit cards"
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December 13th, 2013

It's Friday the 13th, knock on Christmas trees.

I saw the Carrie Underwood version of "The Sound of Music." Can Snooki in a live TV version of "The Wizard of Oz" be far behind...

Documents show the NSA tracks as many as 5 Billion cell phones a day around the world. I'll bet almost half of those happen right behind me in movie theaters.

The San Francisco 49ers have sent their fans tips on how to cheer for the team. I love number one -- "Be sure you're facing towards the field."

The federal government has announced a five-year plan to make driving safer for seniors. Most seniors plan to leave their blinker on most of those five years.

Miley Cyrus was shut out of the Grammy nominations. Like a wrecking ball.

104 cities in China are reporting air pollution levels that are 12 times the recommended limit. People would protest, but they'd never survive.

Number one movie in the country -- "Frozen." Number one weather situation in the country -- frozen.

Sarah Palin has been signed to host a weekly show on "The Sportsman Channel." They were also going to do a hunting show with Dick Cheney, but the name "Survivor" had already been taken.

Not mine but passing it along: Got an OFFICIAL NOTICE from the U.S. Golf Association--The golf term "bad lie" is now being simply referred to as "an Obama."

They're now saying that a crater on Mars may have had enough moisture to at one time support life, or at least a drive-through Starbucks.

I believe I have finally mastered this English speaking thing.

From George Takei--A photo checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with any luggage. The photo replies, "I didn't bring any. I'm traveling light."

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are said to be on tough times. He's happy with naming their daughter North West, but Kim was hoping to take it a different direction.

So, when it gets really cold at night, does it go from minus one to zero... to minus zero?

In case you were wondering, Julie Andrews did NOT watch the live "Sound of Music" last week. Well, of course not -- "The X Factor" was on!

Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" is Pope Francis. Not sure who his date will be to the awards dinner.

A man jumped to his death at a mall in China after his girlfriend insisted they keep on shopping. It's a powerful joke, but you only get to do it once.

A study says that people who can ignore texts or calls on their cellphone are likely to be more contented. See, what this world needs is cows with cell phones!

A report says that a child is taken to the ER every hour for an accident involving a high chair. You'd think the parents would get that high chair fixed.

Canada is claiming that they own the North Pole.  Can "Ho, Ho, Ho, eh?" be far behind?

A six year old boy in Colorado has been suspended from school for sexual harassment for kissing a girl on the cheek.  For the record, she tested negative for cooties.

Due to inflation, a cup of coffee in Russia now costs $8.30.  That's right, it's actually cheaper there than here at Starbucks!

The organizing committee for the Super Bowl announced they will not allow tailgate parties at Met Life Stadium before the game.  So fans will need to be courteous to others and arrive drunk.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 not be exposed to screens like iPads because it can impede their brain development.  If you're a parent and you're buying your 2-year-old an iPad, the child's already got a heredity strike against them.

Madonna and her 30-year younger boyfriend have split.  Yes, right before Christmas, no more Madonna and child.


  1.     The International Brotherhood of Mini-Workers
  2.     The AFL-See Knee High
  3.     The Half-Teamsters
  4.     The International Federation of Elves
  5.     The Toy Makers Guild


    "Be true to thine own elf"
    "There is no 'I' in Toy Shop"
    "Your honor, it was elf defense"
    "Wouldn't it be great to buy something outside of the kids section?"
    "Shoot! Can't reach that, either!"


  1.     "I saw mommy twerking Santa Claus"
  2.     "It came upon a midnight Clearasil"
  3.     "We wish you a Larry Christmas"
  4.     "Jingle bulls"
  5.     "Deck the halls" (with cans of Spam)

Laugh a little, would ya?                  Tim

PS--That George Takei guy is at it again with our Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--My 13th annual Christmas CD is complete and this year's Christmas video is ready for viewing.  The story behind the CD and the video are on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack