This Week's Wacks
Our 937th Edition
"Twas the week before Christmas. Oops, sorry, I farted.
And my Christmas shopping had not even started."
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial
December 20th, 2013
From my buddy Skip Tucker: I'm kind of bummed that they don't let me name streets in Germany any longer ever since the Bürpenfahrt incident.
Now we hear that North Korea's Kim Jong Un had his uncle executed. It's going to be an awkward Christmas dinner table this year.
Kim said if anyone wanted to ask questions about the execution, the doors to his torture chamber are always open.
Harvard students have voted to ban bottled water from being sold on campus. Now I'm really glad I hung on to that water bucket stock.
A doctor says that James Bond drinks four times as much as someone should and that he's an alcoholic. Fans of 007 found this analysis surprising, however they were shaken, not stirred.
China has landed the first unmanned soft landing on the Moon since 1976. Their first mission -- to find life on the planet. Their second mission -- to see if that form of life could be an even cheaper work force.
A new study claims that over the past 20 years, lying has become more popular. Sorry, it was actually over the last 30 years. I was, well, you know...
A study says that treating sleep apnea can help men with their golf games. Why do I feel like this is some kind of trick?
A new study says that the "pothead" stereotype could be very real and... ooooh, 3-cheese pepperoni and sausage pizza.
A study says that the Earth was warmer than it is now during Roman times. You'd think this would help my campaign at work for "Toga Tuesdays," but NO-O-O-O!!
Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III has changed his mind on what he wants for Christmas. It's now "a bench cushion."
National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden has asked Brazil to let him come there. Must be a big World Cup fan.
Congratulations are in order to two people who beat the incredible odds and today, can proudly say they were able to sign up for health insurance on the Obamacare website. In other news, two people won the Mega Millions lottery!
Some yoga classes are trying to lure in students by inviting people to bring their dogs! What's next? Teaching them to "Fetch the Zen?"
Domino's Pizza in Israel is offering the company's first ever vegan pizza... because things there aren't already tough enough.
Hard to believe I'm just days away from starting my Christmas shopping.
According to a new poll, 64% of people say "Merry Christmas," 31% say "Happy Holidays" and 5% are unsure. Why would you say "unsure" to people?
Justin Bieber said in an interview that's he's stepping back and retiring from music. He didn't say if it was a permanent retirement or more of a Bret Favre/Cher type of retirement.
A study says that travel decreases the risk of heart attacks and depression and promotes brain health…making Rick Steves one of the healthiest men on the planet!
A study says that Washington State residents swear the least of any state. That's effin' awesome!
Alex Rodriguez is reportedly writing a tell all book…or, as I like to call it, a "believe none" book.
Doctors in China attached a man's severed hand to his ankle after a work accident to keep it alive until they could sew it back on. The even better news-he was able to tie his shoes without bending over!
TOP FIVE MUSICALS BASED ON THE LIFE OF SANTA'S REINDEER
- "Flash Dancer"
- "Vixon's the One"
- "Kabitzin' with Blitzen"
- "Cupid is as Cupid does"
- "Prancer's with Wolves"
TOP FIVE MOST INAPPROPRIATE HOLIDAY GREETINGS TO PUT ON YOUR CARD
- "The three spirits -- they're gone! I don't have to change after all!"
- "After reading your family letter, I'm feeling pretty good about myself!"
- "Go Scrooge yourself!"
- "We're all doomed"
- "Beware the zombie apocalypse"
TOP FIVE RUNNER UPS TO SCROOGE'S "BAH! HUMBUG!"
- "Up your chimney!"
- "Bah! Bum hug!"
- "Oh, go Scrooge yourself!"
- "Oh, put a muck lucks in it!"
- "Ew! Bed bugs!"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--My two cents on Christmas on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack