This Week's Wacks
Our 939th Edition
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January 17th, 2014

New data says that 75% of teens fail to meet basic fitness guidelines. The other 25% were taking a nap.

It seems like people these days are getting lazier and lazier. I'll have to ask Siri why that is... or, maybe I can get someone to do that for me.

An Oregon couple was arrested after tipping a waitress with a bag of meth. For the waitress, It did make the rest of the night go much faster.

A possible Velveeta shortage, just before the Superbowl game? Kraft says it's true and is sticking by its guns---which is what will happen when your Velveeta gets too close to your guns.

I just heard the traffic reporter saying how bad traffic was today. She said it was really "Christie!"

Now, cyber crooks have hacked into Neiman Marcus and compromised customers' credit information. Yep, Neiman Marcus has become a Target.

Obviously, the best way to guarantee you win on the Golden Globe Awards is to sit as far away from the stage as possible.

Jennifer Lawrence was shaking quite a bit on stage at the Golden Globe Awards. You could have handed her a can and have mix paint.

The only way that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler could make the Golden Globes better would be if they installed a zip line to help winners get to the stage faster.

The Polar Vortex has returned home to Canada, but Celine Dion still remains over Las Vegas.

I refuse to believe that there's nothing we can do about a national Velveeta cheese shortage. Can't we just create more synthetic cows?

A study says that cellphones are 18 times dirtier than public restrooms. I don't know what you're doing with your cell phone, but I find that hard to believe.

Everybody sing: "If you love Soochi, like I love Soochi... oh, oh, oh, what a town!"

Good morning! A quick look at the forecast calls for dry until happy hour later this afternoon.

According to a new study, kids today take 15% longer to run a mile than their parents did when they were kids. And, of course, kids today only know how to run a mile on their Xbox or Playstation.

The "Octomom," Nadya Suleman, is facing welfare fraud charges for not reporting income as a stripper and adult film actress. Another setback in her efforts to be "Mother of the Year."

This close to the Super Bowl and our country faces a national Velveeta shortage. And they laughed at me when I stockpiled those four cases back in 1989!

A new study claims that a little caffeine can boost your memory. As much coffee as I drink, I should remember birth.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Probably, no longer a cliche used by Chris Christie.

Justin Bieber was detained at his home while it was searched in felony egging case. Police said it was no yoke.

One could describe Obamacare as the "Windows 8" of healthcare. If they wanted to...

A toxicologist says that Alexander the Great's death may have been caused by drinking toxic wine. Those insisting you can get a great bottle of wine at Trader Joes for $3, please take note.

There's a new app out that will notify your boss for you that you're quitting. Hopefully you'll get that before your boss uses his new app that automatically fires you.

David Cassidy's manager says that a dispute over "The Partridge Family" profits led to his drinking and most recent DUI arrest. He also mentioned that David has a new song, "I woke up in denial this morning."

The Chicago Cubs have their first mascot in modern history, a bear named Clark. He was especially chosen because he likes to go into hibernation by July, too.

This update from the Golden Globes -- the final winner has almost reached the stage!

And then there's this headline: "Energizer Bunny Being Investigated for Possible Battery."

In Seattle, Starbucks is honoring Seahawk fans with cheap coffee.  Go into Starbucks wearing Seahawks colors on Friday and you can get a tall coffee for 12-cents.  Which, of course, means they'll only be making 11-cents on that coffee.

A study says that digital billboards are not overly distracting to drivers.  My guess is because they're already too busy with their cell phones.

The approval rating of Congress is at 13% to start the New Year.   Sadly, 10% of those ratings were borrowed from China.

JC Penney is closing 33 stores, laying off 2,000 employees and might possibly change its name to JC Penniless.


  1.     Healthy eating karma had to finally step in
  2.     Green Packer fans have been washing their hair in it
  3.     There really isn't a shortage... just like Velveeta really isn't cheese
  4.     They ran into shipment problems with Mars
  5.     The increasing popularity of artificial cheese milkshakes


  1.     Closes stadium roof by himself
  2.     Grew a full beard an hour after shaving
  3.     Batting average went from .180 to .998
  4.     Now needs uniform for each arm
  5.     Warms up in on deck circle swinging a moose
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS--That George Takei is at it again on our Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--Sometimes I tell you too much on my blog
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