This Week's Wacks
Our 940th Edition
"Just remember the Hokey Pokey--that's what it's all about"
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January 24th, 2014
Jeff Bakeman says he noticed that some jewelers are selling "conflict free" diamond engagement rings. He wishes he had those when he got married.
Now we're hearing that the NSA has been collecting 200-million text messages every day in the U.S. And those are just the ones from movie theaters!
A study says that heavy drinking can speed up memory loss in middle aged men... which is concerning, since I can't remember if I'm drinking more.
I'm texting myself "The Duck Lands at Midnight" over and over, just so the NSA has to sort me out.
First there was Google Glass... now, we hear they're working on Google Contact lenses. Hopefully, they'll draw a line before they get to Google Suppositories.
The SAG Awards were held over the weekend, the one day a year an actress wants, when you think of SAG, to think of her.
Man, that was one loud football game on Sunday. The #1 question in Seattle these days: "What?"
I have my seats for the Super Bowl game -- same couch I was sitting in for the playoffs.
Note to other states with NFL teams---legalize pot.
They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. They also say that most American passengers today require two of them.
Health officials are now warning that pot smoking can cause apathy. Like I care...
As far as the Academy Award nominations go, "The Butler" didn't do it.
Which came first -- the chicken, or Justin Bieber throwing the egg?
I keep seeing these mini-Coopers. Where can a guy buy a full-size Cooper?
Carrie Underwood has been named the new face of Almay. Any companies on the lookout for old faces, I'm available.
A study says the human brain can process an image in as little as 13 milliseconds. To give you an idea how fast that is, it's even faster than the time it takes for the guy behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.
Queen Elizabeth hasn't turned over all her duties to her son, Prince Charles, but she is now job sharing more with him. At this pace, she should finally retire by the time she's 143.
New England quarterback Tom Brady says he has no plans to watch the Super Bowl Game. Does anyone? I thought we were there for the commercials!
Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami yesterday for drag racing and DUI. In Justin's defense, he didn't hear about 29-cent a dozen eggs at Food World until after happy hour.
Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami yesterday for drag racing and DUI. The good news: at least no one was egged.
Toni Tennille and Daryl Dragon, better known to millions as the 1970s singing group The Captain & Tennille, are splitting after 39 years of marriage. She filed has week to have the Captain divorce court-martialed.
Things had apparently been strained for a while. When performing together, every time she'd sing, "Do that to me one more time" he'd always respond with, "You know I can't."
I hate when you're watching an episode of "Where are they now?" and you don't remember where they were then.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE NAMES FOR MARIJUANA STORES
- Nice Joint
- Grass Grab
- Yes We Cannibis
- 420 and All is Well
- Weed Do It
TOP FIVE HINTS THE NSA IS MESSING WITH YOUR TEXT MESSAGES
- Your phone just sent the message, "I heart government surveillance"
- TV newscaster just mentioned the NSA. Message on phone appears that says, "No we don't"
- Latest message: "We know you know we're here"
- Random message: "NSA rocks!"
- You receive note from NSA after every text that says, "Thanks!"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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