This Week's Wacks
Our 942nd Edition
"Exactly 10 months away from Pearl Harbor Day!"
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial
February 7th, 2014
So, my bets paid off on the big game, but then I lost it all on the Puppy Bowl.
They're working on a "Sharknado 2"... as foretold in Revelations.
A McDonald's employee in Pittsburgh has been arrested for selling heroin in Happy Meals. This is the same McDonald's where employees believed the company slogan was, "I'm shootin' it."
Miley Cyrus is calling herself the 2013 version of Madonna. I guess that gives Miley a better idea of when her career will be over.
Former Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron says he believes college athletes should be paid. Or, in the case of Alabama players, more.
Unfortunately, the groundhog came up yesterday in New Jersey and before he could see his shadow, heard Richard Sherman screaming and went back into his hole. Six more weeks of winter!
Amanda Knox was found guilty in her third murder trial in Italy. Her attorneys now have to decide if they'll appeal to Italy's Supreme Court, or ask the lower courts to go the best 3 out of 5.
Radio buddy Peter McLaine tells me he really enjoy half-time of the Puppy Bowl yesterday--Snoop Dogg with Three Dog Night.
In the Chinese calendar, we've just entered the year of the horse. Yeah, tell that to Peyton Manning.
I gotta be honest -- I thought it was pretty brave of Joe Namath to wear that coat at the Super Bowl during hunting season.
Yeah, I ate WAY too much at our Super Bowl party. I figure I should probably lay off food until April.
All these Super Bowl party leftovers. I'd hate to freeze them again.
It now costs 49-cents to mail a letter. I'm shocked -- people still mail letters?
Colorado has already pulled-in $1.2-million in taxes since marijuana was legalized. And that's just from the sales tax on Doritos!
Over in Italy, an Italian court ruled that the Broncos won the Super Bowl.
Microsoft's new CEO says he's ready to get in and give the company a reboot. He's got the right company.
Microsoft has named Satya Nadella as its next CEO, Bill Gates moves to a new role as technology adviser. So, what's the toll-free number I can call him at?
The Stock Market suffered a 300-point drop on Monday, answering the question, "What does the stock market and the second time I took the SAT test have in common?"
My buddy Skip Tucker said this gem: The Bachelor claims having gays on TV is "not a good example for kids." This from a guy who starred in a TV show about one man dating 30 women at once.
The national debt is up $6.666-trillion under President Obama. Read anything into those numbers that you want.
For the record, Quarterback Peyton Manning only said "Omaha" twice during the entire Super Bowl game. The word he said a lot was "Mama!"
A survey says that 4% of Americans give their kids a weekly allowance of $50. Now if I can just talk my boss into matching.
Twitter shares took at 17% tumble this week. Hashtag: I probably shouldn't have put my entire 401K in that stock.
A report says that Radio Shack will close 500 stores. Apparently, the last time the 80s called, they heard the message the number had been disconnected.
John Elway says the Broncos "came up short" in the Super Bowl. In a non-related story, the Titanic may have had a leak!
This cold weather-a great example of why the Ground Hog can't buy life insurance!
Some of us are pooling our money to hire Justin Bieber to egg the Ground Hog's house. You in?
TOP FIVE FUN WAYS TO HANDLE TELEMARKETERS ON THE PHONE
- When they're done, say "I'd like 1,000 of them. Can I pay with grapes?"
- Hum the theme from "Alf" and see if they can figure it out
- Say, in a hushed voice, "Oh thank God you called, the aliens are here!"
- Reply with, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak English" over and over
- Answer with a 20-second version of "Hello-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo-o-o-o"
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU OVER-DID IT YESTERDAY DURING THE SUPER BOWL
- You woke up this morning on a set of goal posts
- You have turf burns on your knees
- Richard Sherman complained you were too loud
- Nachos in places there shouldn't be nachos
- That unfortunate "Patriots Win" tattoo
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--With apologies to Denver Broncos fans. Click here
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack