This Week's Wacks
Our 944th Edition
"Wait--did I miss Valentine's Day again.  That explains the ax."
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February 21st, 2014

By the way, today's lecture on global warming has been canceled because of the snow.

A new study claims that the American dream is out of reach to a lot of people and that we either need better economic conditions or longer arms.

Former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin was convicted on 20 counts of bribery and fraud, which could mean 20 years in prison, or four years as Mayor of Toronto.

Forbes Magazine says that Tom Hanks is the most trusted Hollywood celebrity.  Unless, of course, you've asked him to watch your volleyball named Wilson.

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone. Love level at an all-time low, blood sugar at an all-time high!

Ironically, Monday was President's Day and none of them were born on this date.

Saw a good descriptor for the lottery---a gullibility tax!

A:  The World Cup, the Winter Olympics and Charlie Sheen getting engaged. 
Q:  Name three things that happen every four years

Miley Cyrus opened her concert tour in Vancouver, B.C..  Among the more startling things she did on stage--a simulated sex act with a Bill Clinton impersonator.  Well, we're fairly certain it was an impersonator.

A study says that one in four Americans doesn't know that the Earth circles the Sun.  These are most likely the same people who don't believe that cell phones can ring during movies.

Some McDonald's were accepting dinner reservations on Valentine's Day.  What a goldmine-they didn't have to be for an entire dinner.  Just long enough for your date to say, "You brought me here?"

Krispy Kreme introducing two new flavors of donuts - "Mocha Kreme" and "Caramel Coffee Kreme.  Yep. That's what we were missing.

I celebrated President's Day the way most Americans did-going out and checking the mail….twice….

Looks like Comcast is going to merge with Time-Warner, which will save all the trouble of two companies have to raise your rates all the time.

Charlie Sheen is engaged to a former porn star.  Well, she'll still be starring, but just for an audience of one.

CBS is said to be working on a third "CSI" spinoff.  Maybe it'll be something fun this time, like "CSI-Seinfeld" or "How I Cleared Your Mother's Charges."

I spent Presidents Day this year just like most Americans, who wandered out to check the mailbox, opened it and then said, "Oh yeah, that's right!"

A survey says that 98% of faith driven consumers are dissatisfied with the new movie "Noah."  Amazing, since it hasn't even come out yet.  It's a miracle!!!

A South Carolina woman was arrested for not returning a video she rented in 2005.  To make matters worse, it was "Deuce Bigalow 2."

A study says that air pollution may increase the risk of schizophrenia.  However, 60% of the voices in my head disagree.

Coca-Cola says it will make $1 Billion in cuts to offset falling profits. For starters, no more free bleaching treatments for the polar bears in their commercials.

An Oregon company has come out with an Edward Snowden action figure.
You pull the string and it threatens to make public what you really think about your brother-in-law.

This word in from Russia-the Russian hockey team has been eliminated.  This after losing and being knocked out of the Olympics.

The guy in charge of the electronic rings that malfunctioned in the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics in Soshi says that they're working fine now and should be all ready to go for the closing ceremony.  He'd be his family on it.  And, without going into detail, that's probably more truth to that than he'd like.

Clowns of America International is saying that the U.S. is actually facing a shortage of clowns.  The good news-we're currently experiencing a glut of seltzer water and cream pies.

Justin Bieber, from now on, wants to be known as Bizzle.  Isn't that one of the mandatory moves for the Olympic ice dancers?


  1.     Every day he's hosted the show, he's received a ticket for Jay Walking
  2.     Conan keeps sending him emails that simply say, "Mine!"
  3.     NBC execs keep coming up and saying, "I thought your last name was Kimmel."
  4.     Former band leader Kevin Eubanks found tied up in back room
  5.     Got a new Tonight Show desk because old one had chin marks in it


  1.     Luge? I've been practicing loogeys!
  2.     Only toboggan with training runners
  3.     What do you mean there's no Sumo Figure Skating?
  4.     One of the athletes has a snow allergy
  5.     They accidentally packed water skis

Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS--George Takei takes back over his page this week on our Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS-- Brace yourself--another bit of my past has disappeared. Click here
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