This Week's Wacks
Our 945th Edition
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February 28th, 2014

The latest wine produced by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has sold out. On the other hand, that wine made by the Duck Dynasty folks? Plenty of boxes left.

Capital One is being questioned about language in their customer contracts that says the company may contact them with a personal visit. Fall far enough behind and they send the Vikings.

Justin Bieber is renting a mansion shaped like a space ship in Atlanta. I can hear him now: "Scotty, put up the egg deflector shields!"

A Justin Bieber wax figure at Madame Tussauds in New York City has been removed because patrons kept groping the statue. Most were saying, "Is that a candle in your pants or are you... oh, it IS a candle!"

A spelling bee in Missouri was forced to shut down on Saturday because it ran out of words for the final two contestants to spell.  Apparently the spelling bee was held in the only city in the world without a dictionary.

According to a new study, women spend an average of 335 hours a year getting ready. Really?  Is that all?

North Korea fired 4 missiles into the sea yesterday. Hitting the ocean-there's a tough target.

A passing school of sardines immediately surrendered.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford says he is off drugs, hardly drinking and spending time in the gym daily.  Oh, I'm sorry, he actually said he's drinking hardly and off to get drugs from his pal, Jim Daily.

Sony has announced a waterproof tablet and cellphone.  Now that guy who talks behind you in the movie theater can meet you in the pool!!

I was watching the weird Olympics closing ceremony, with that upside down house... then realized, I own a house that's upside down, too.

As you probably heard, Canada beat the U.S. in hockey at the Olympics, which means they won the bet... and we have to keep Justin Bieber for another four years.

Russia handed off the keys to the Winter Olympics to its next destination, Korea. At least we're finally moving to a stable part of the world.

A new study says that 25% of Americans go to work sick. Makes sense to me -- why would I want to stay at home when I'm not feeling well?

A camel escaped in Palmdale, California last Friday. The worst part---everyone who saw it thought it was only Wednesday!

With Piers Morgan's Show being canceled by CNN, Larry King says he'd be interested in coming back. Although, TV already has "The Walking Dead."

Charlie Sheen is engaged to a porn star. The couple is registered at Bed, Bath and 50 Shades.

Last Saturday, the world was supposed to come to an end, according to ancient Vikings. Modern Viking fans know that happens around the 3rd week of October.

Ben Bernanke, who stepped down last month after eight years as chairman of the Federal Reserve, is writing a book. If it's about the economy, I don't see how it could have a very good ending.

Major League Baseball has adopted a new rule to reduce the number of collisions at home. So have Robin Thicke and his wife.

Everyone is pretty much on edge in Egypt today. In fact, the camel announced he's staying at home and people can figure out what day it is all by themselves.

Samsung has unveiled its newest Galaxy phone, the S5. They say it will be available as soon as you feel your S4 is no longer good enough.

Now a security guard and a driver for Justin Bieber have been arrested for supposedly stealing a photographer's camera. Both of their moms have asked them to stop hanging around Justin.

"Ghostbusters" star Harold Ramis has died at age 69... which means, if they make a "Ghostbusters 3," he'd really be able to steal the scenes.

China has banned school sports and cookouts because of thick smog. They're now counting going to the restroom as exercise.

The federal government says that Americans waste a third of the food they buy... which, of course, means two thirds of it goes to waist.

Disney World is raising its admission price to $99. Even Mickey Mouse said, "That's Goofy."

A minor league baseball team in Pennsylvania is going to start wearing bacon-themed uniforms. The phrases "Hormel run" and "Knock it out of the pork" come to mind...

I can't help but notice that both of the women who played Bob Newhart's wives in his two TV shows are both dead. Yet, no one ever suspected him...

Then there's the guy who texted Domino's, asking about a refund after he burned himself while trying to have sex with one of their pizzas. In his defense, the pizza was kinda cute.


  1.     So tired of scraping windshields, you simply had it removed
  2.     You're in discussions with a hit man for Old Man Winter
  3.     The other day, you were seen planting bulbs... in the snow
  4.     That "I'm sick of winter" tattoo says it all
  5.     You actually wore out three snow shovels (OK, the neighbor kids did)


  1.     "Fiddler on the Retractable Roof"
  2.     "A Chorus Foul Line"
  3.     "Lay mizzer robbed on that call!"
  4.     "Annie Get Your Bat"
  5.     "Oklahomer"
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS--George Takei is back with this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS-- Another page in the saga of the Pages. Click here
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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