This Week's Wacks
Our 947th Edition
"I just want to say to Russia's leader, "Keep your cotton-Putin hands off Ukraine!"
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March  14th, 2014

You know, I think I could fall for Jennifer Lawrence, but she would have to fall for me first…and that doesn't seem like a problem.

Archeologists in China have discovered a mummy with cheese that is over 3600 years.  I didn't know you could order your mummy with cheese.

GOING AROUND: How did the hipster burn his tongue?  He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

A study says that L.A. has the worst traffic congestion in the nation.  Really? You needed a study?  Next up-the long awaited answer to the question, "Is the Pacific Ocean wet?"

Dr. Sherwin Nuland, the author of the book "How We Die" has passed away at age 83.  At least now we know how it ends.

I'm getting to work late. I've missed meetings. I'm just really struggling with being on time this week. It's like someone put the world in a time machine and went back an hour.

"Sharknado 2" will premiere on July 31st. Be still my beating DVR.

A new survey found that the average American child watches 24 hours of TV every week. I thought it would be more than that, but they're counting when you play video games as separate.

If South by Southwest is where all the hipsters go, I should find out where North by Northeast is held.

Yeah, some of the food in my refrigerator is probably spoiled, but not nearly as spoiled as Justin Bieber.

Samsonite is promoting their new ultra-light luggage. Yes, because it's the luggage that weighs so much and has nothing to do with the 2 months worth of clothes stuffed inside.

There's a barber in Colorado who says he'll refuse service to anyone smelling like marijuana. I have the same rule about going to barbers that smell like pot. It's just common sense.

A study says that Delaware residents get the least amount of exercise. They consider "opening the mail" exercise.

The World Wide Web turned 25 years old this week. If it could drive, it's insurance rates would have gone down.

A federal judge has cleared florists to deliver with drones. Because nothing says I love you more than yelling, "Attack! Oh, wait, it's just flowers."

A severe drought plan in California calls for salmon to be moved by truck. Of course, the real trick is teaching them how to drive.

Shaquille O'Neal says he spends $1,000 a week on apps for his smartphones. Obviously what he needs is an app that prevents him from buying more apps.

The country of New Zealand is thinking about a new flag. They're also thinking about a new official motto. The leading contender so far is, "No, you're thinking of Australia."

According to a new survey, Canadians saw over 1200 UFO's last year. Not very impressive when you consider space aliens saw over 22-million Canadians.

Imagine how much it would have been to have an alien say, "Take me to your leader" and you introduced him to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.


  1.     "If the boss dies, who gets his job?"
  2.     "How many pens are you allowed to take home?"
  3.     "What do you mean, lunch is only an hour?"
  4.     "Where are the vacation request forms?"
  5.     "Can I go home early?"


  1.     That "four leaf clover" he gave you---poison oak
  2.     He was once Jennifer Lawrence's walking coach
  3.     He once broke a mirror with a black cat
  4.     Holding sign, "Will tell you blarney for food"
  5.     No pot of gold, just one he uses for a bathroom
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS--George Takei is a man with a pun in this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
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