This Week's Wacks
Our 948th Edition
"One of these years I should probably cut back to March Just-Slightly-Bitter-ness"
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March 21st, 2014
I know what you're thinking. Where are all the jokes? There's nothing funny about a Monday.
President Obama made a surprise visit to do a little shopping at the Gap in New York. Some say he's already spent enough at The Deficit in Washington, D.C..
Aw, St. Patrick's Day. May today be greener than you'll wake up tomorrow.
March Madness is back! Or, as I like to refer to it, "Occupy: Couch!"
Here in Seattle, the forecast calls for rain every day this week. We go through this every spring. It's called March Mudness.
A new study says Americans spent a record $56 billion on their pets last year. Yeah, maybe that facelift for our Shar Pei was a little excessive.
That 4.4 earthquake California experienced on St. Patrick's Day--my sister Debbie says they're calling it the "Shamrock Shake!"
Remember that San Diego State running back who quit the NFL combine because he said God told him, if he did, he'd play for the Seattle Seahawks? Now he says he's quitting football to prepare for the end of the world. In other words, he's heading to the Oakland Raiders.
Still gotta get out there and hit those After St. Patrick's Day Sales.
New York leads the nation in the highest malpractice awards. That explains why the new state motto is, "So, sue me!"
A study says that men with a waist size of 43" or larger have a higher risk of death... as do people who they sit on.
Now a new study is saying that sleep loss may cause brain damage. That's great just.
There were two winners in that $400-million Mega Millions jackpot on Tuesday. One in Florida, one in Maryland, neither one related.
The situation in Russia is getting worse. We're getting close to sending in Dennis Rodman.
Just saw an article, "Should I upgrade from Windows XP?" I think the first thing you should update are those parachute pants.
Oprah has struck a deal with Starbucks and is coming out with her own line of Chai Tea. Hopefully, she'll finally make enough money to be able to do what she really wants to do.
Russia President Vladimir Putin says the people of Crimea have spoken and that last Sunday's election proved they want to be Russian! At the same time, he also announce the results of next year's elections.
He says that you shouldn't think of it as an invasion-more like a brother-in-law coming for an extended visit….with tanks.
It's "March Madness" time…or, as it's known at my house, "See you in April!"
Aw, the signs of spring! The birds singing, the sun shining, Lindsay Lohan reckless driving with the top down…and in a convertible.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE NAMES FOR KEITH RICHARDS' NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK
1. "Where am I? No, seriously. Where am I?"
2. "Wow, It's Monday" (the first of seven books)
3. "Yes, I'm Alive."
4. "I Can't Gather No Moss"
5. "The Vomit in the Hat"
TOP FIVE WORST BIBLE MOVIES EVER MADE
1. "The Damascus Buyers Club"
2. "Easter with my Seester"
3. "The Hunger Games: Roaming Desert"
4. "Mr. Peabody and Shadrack"
5. "Moses and Me"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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