A woman visiting Disneyland says her vacation was ruined when an elderly park employee came over to her and asked her to cover up because of excess cleavage showing. We'd post pictures on our website if we had 'em...
A zoo in China has a depressed panda so they just installed a TV in its cage to cheer it up. Unfortunately, he didn't find the Andy Panda cartoons funny in the least.
A donut shop is opening up in New York, offering low-calorie donuts. Yep, that's what this country was missing... ..
McDonald's has announced that Ronald McDonald will join Twitter. His only concern -- having his account hacked by the Spamburglar.
A woman visiting Disneyland is upset after an employee asked her to cover up her cleavage. She was also offended by "It's a Small World."
George Clooney is engaged. I believe if you check Revelations, you'll see that's one of the seven signs...
The owner of the Los Angeles Clippers is quite the racist. I understand his whole klan is that way...
All this time I thought President Obama was enforcing sanctions against Russia for their provocations. It turns out he was saying that Putin should switch to Sanka. Oh... .. ..
Pfizer is offering $100 billion for Astra Zeneca, who I believe is a shortstop for the Marlins.
The Pentagon says a Russian intelligence gathering ship has been operating off the U.S. southeast coast for the past month. It tried to avoid detection by leaving its right blinker on...
The Ukraine Prime Minister says Russia wants to start World War III. I'd rather they start World War Z because we've got Brad Pitt and know how that one turns out.
Luxury retailer Hermes is offering a $14,000 baseball glove... apparently for those players who don't want to earn a gold glove, but have one anyway.
A study says that regular exercise stops the brain from shrinking. Well that explains, uh, something...
The good news is that all the other NBA owners are far from Sterling.
After racist comments by the owner of the L.A. Clippers, the singer who was supposed to sing the national anthem last night canceled... sponsors have been pulling out left and right. Even Kobe Bryant said, if gave him a commemorative Clippers basketball, he'd probably pass it.
If the NBA really wants to punish Sterling, they should force him to sell the Clippers and buy the Milwaukee Bucks.
You know, I'm old enough to remember when being banned for life from the L.A. Clippers would have been a compliment!
A new study says that stress is a major trigger of depression. That's depressing. Wow, suddenly I feel so stressed!
A Census Bureau report says that men working full-time earn less than they did 40 years ago. See, it's a good thing I have two full-time jobs.
I gotta admit, when I heard the cast of "Star Wars 7" had been revealed, my first question was, "OK, which leg did Harrison Ford break?"
Duke University is thinking of banning the phrase "man up" because they say it's sexist. That's such a girly thing to say!
The NBA issued its harshest penalty ever to Donald Sterling, the owner of the L.A. Clippers: A lifetime ban, a $2.5-milion fine and a no-contact order with Dennis Rodman.
There's reportedly another video out there showing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford using crack cocaine again. Perfect for the re-election campaign.
The NBA has banned Clippers owner Donald Sterling for life or a couple of years, whichever comes first.
You know, for a lot of years, "punishment" and "owner of the Clippers" were pretty much synonymous.
71-year-old Harrison Ford will appear as Hans Solo in the next "Star Wars movie. You'll be able to spot his spaceship in the fleet-it's the one with the right blinker left on.
James Franco says he has never had sex with Lindsay Lohan, thus maintaining his image as a unique individual.
TOP FIVE THINGS DONALD STERLING THE CLIPPERS OWNER SHOULD GET
As far away from the NBA as possible
TOP FIVE OTHER POSSIBLE AT-WORK CELEBRATIONS
"National Call-In Sick Day" (wait a minute -- EVERY day is National Call-In Sick Day)
"Who let the air out of the boss's tires Day"
"Share Your Salary Day"
"Work Pen and Pencil Amnesty Day" (no questions asked)