This Week's Wacks
Our 955th Edition
"Don't forget Mother's Day on Sunday--Remember, she's the one to blame for you!"
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May 9th, 2014

With Monday's May 5th debut of "24", I was calling the day "Cinco de Jacko... dammit!"

If you were thinking about a May-December relationship... this is your month to get things started.

I remember growing up as a young child... because growing up as an adult wouldn't make sense.

Clippers owner Donald Sterling is apparently battling prostate cancer. Sorry, but I've given pity for him a lifetime ban.

Mother's Day is this Sunday. That very important day when we honor mom and set the price range for gifts on Father's Day.

The CEO of Starbucks announced plans to open 600 new stores in the United States. Most of those inside existing Starbucks.

If Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is going to seek treatment for his various addictions, perhaps he should start with the need for attention.

Seattle's mayor wants to phase in a $15 minimum wage, which means businesses will be able to continue paying less for the help they'll need moving out of town.

Time to get out and hit those After Cinco de Mayo Sales!

A 116 year old Peruvian woman says her secret to a long life is eating lots of potatoes, goat milk and beans. And, if nothing else, it will make your life seem longer.

The TSA found 81 pounds of marijuana in checked bags at Oakland International Airport. I wonder what Willie Nelson was doing in Oakland?

A study says that using a middle initial makes people appear smarter to others. Of course, there is the Ernest P. Worrell exception.

The CEO of Target has resigned after last year's credit breach. He said he felt like he had a series of big circles on his back.

Stephen Hawking says that artificial intelligence could be the "worst thing to happen to humanity." I don't know how it could be much worse than the real stuff.

Oregon State has fired basketball coach Craig Robinson, the brother-in-law of President Obama. Can a drone strike be far behind?

I was hanging out with a friend and smelled something terrible... and he was trying to convince me it was Google Gas.

An old tour bus used by Willie Nelson is for sale on eBay for $36,000. You could probably scrape enough residue off the walls and sell it to break even.

In Oakland, airport security found 81 pounds of pot in a woman's suitcase. See, that's the difference---In Oakland, 81 pounds gets you arrest. In Seattle, where's its legal, it means no excuses for not giving the porter a great tip!

Monica Lewinsky is on the cover and all over the pages of "Vanity Fair." Hmmm... maybe I should reword that... ..

After 10 years of silence on the subject, Monica Lewinsky is talking about her affair with President Clinton. She always gets in trouble when she opens her mouth...

The Vatican has defrocked 848 priests since 2004... shattering Larry King's record for ex's by three.

A report says that Baby Boomers are more likely to live as roommates. Great. Now we all get to look forward to our lives turning into really bad sitcoms!

A survey says that American journalists are increasingly dissatisfied with their work and that the industry is going in the wrong direction.  I read this in a very unsatisfying article in an online paper that doesn't appear to have a bright future.

The University of Utah says it will tweak the lyrics in its fight song. In fact, when they're done, it will be more of a "mild disagreement" song.

Actually, the first lyric they should change is that "I taw what Utah" line.

A former New York Jets cheerleader is suing the team for low pay.  Then again, if she only has to cheer every time they score, she's got a pretty cushy job.

A new study says that out of shape adults have poorer memories…which could explain why I can't remember the last time I worked out!

Prince Harry has split with his girlfriend, Cressida Bonas. Word is he was interested in upgrading to a Corolla or even a Camry.


  1.     That river's going to cause flooding? Well, then, dam it!
  2.     Dammit, your highness! (it's set in London)
  3.     Dammit, Mr. President!
  4.     Dammit, Chloe!
  5.     Dammit!


  1.     "Devil in a blue dress"
  2.     "Picking up the Bill"
  3.     "Oh, secret service---here's another secret"
  4.     "Scars and Cigars"
  5.     "Coming out from under the desk"
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS--George Takei offers this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS-- My war with Windows continues!  Details on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack