This Week's Wacks
Our 958th Edition
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May 30th, 2014
Lady Gaga canceled her Seattle concert Wednesday night due to laryngitis. I woke up with the first case of laryngitis I ever recall having on Thursday morning. Let the rumors begin!
Tennessee is bringing back the electric chair due to a nationwide shortage of the drugs used for lethal injection. But with 74 people on Death Row in Tennessee, they may want to consider solar.
A survey says that the trust gap between employers and their workers has widened. You know, It wouldn't surprise me if my boss was behind that survey.
You would think growing up Kardashian would include learning how to read a teleprompter. Just sayin'...
It was during this week back in 1990, that Microsoft issued Windows 3.0. It's times like these I think, "Maybe I should finally upgrade to 4.0... "
Kim and Kanye got married in France over the weekend. It's time to come to grips with the fact you won't be getting an invitation.
Orlando, Florida has been listed as the most dangerous city for pedestrians. A city spokesman was quoted as saying, "Hey, if they don't like how we drive, then stay off of the sidewalks!"
The oldest American woman has turned 115 years old in Detroit. Well, 115 for us, 145 in Detroit years.
Beginning next month, Washington State's 14,000 parolees will legally be able to smoke pot. What could possibly go wrong?
Former President George W. Bush is recovering after knee replacement surgery. I haven't heard which one, but he's always had a problem with the left.
A German newspaper is under fire for publishing a picture of Kate Middleton's bare butt that was exposed during a wind gust. I have to admit, I'm offended every time I look.
Event planners say they're seeing a growing demand for divorce parties. They apparently come in three different sizes---small, medium and Larry King-size!
A new study claims that drinking diet soda is better help with a diet than just drinking water. The good news is, you live long enough, a study will come along that justifies what you're going to continue doing anyway.
The 87th annual Scripps Spelling Bee is underway. Man, I can't even spell Scripps right.
I would probably be a better speller if my English was gooder.
A new study claims that being skeptical may cause dementia. I'm afraid to not believe the report.
The National Spelling Bee wrapped up last night. Meanwhile, my spellchecker has requested full-time benefits.
The BBC dropped the word "girl" from a documentary, saying it was offensive. The song "The person from Ipanema" is also in the soundtrack.
A town in Georgia says that sex toys can only be bought with a doctor's consent. I'm assuming they mean Dr. Ruth…
Manuel Uribe from Mexico, once listed as the heaviest person in the world at 1,230 pounds has died at age 48. They're trying to find the 6 people he hated the most to be the pall bearers.
FIVE WAYS YOU'RE PROBABLY DOING YOUR DIET WRONG
- Bacon-wrapped celery can't be right
- Cutting back to only 9 meals a day? Huh?
- I've never heard of the Dairy Queen Blizzard Diet before.
- Dipping that broccoli in chocolate sauce
- I believe that's 8-ounces of chicken, not 8 pieces
TOP FIVE SIGNS AN ELECTION IS FIXED
- The results are announced the day before
- Poster on wall in polling booth has two words: "You're wrong!"
- Volunteer laughs as she says, "Thanks for voting"
- Ballot collection box looks a lot like a shredder
- We're using the new imaginary ballot system
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--That's not funny! That's sickle! Details on my blog
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